Ow, that hurts my eyes.
But it gets your attention.
But I can barely read it.
Just write something. OK. A screenplay would be nice, written in 10 mins.
[size=180]Hey everybody! lets write something!!![/size]
[size=100]is that better?[/size]
Thanks for the tips roulette. Of course it is kind of hard to get your characters down when you got to write it in 10 minutes, lol.
[quote=“roulette67”]
Just write something. OK. A screenplay would be nice, written in 10 mins.
[/quote]
I already have! You want another one?
That would be bitchin’ dude!!!
Always appreciate more content and feedback. You guys have helped me greatly.
I’m thinking of using a cop in the park.
[quote=“Angel”]
I don’t know if this is the kind of self-contained short story you were looking for, but it was done in ten minutes and isn’t apart of anything else. I just had this setting and these characters in my mind.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
CHARLOTTE and AMADEUS sit facing the camera, which is obviously the PRINCIPAL. This being a school.
PRINCIPAL (O/S)
How old are you two?
CHARLOTTE
Twenty four.
AMADEUS
Twenty five.
PRINCIPAL (O/S)
You are the youngest parents in this school.
CHARLOTTE
I donÂ’t get your point?
PRINCIPAL (O/S)
IsnÂ’t twenty four and twenty five a little young to have a fifteen year old girl?
AMADEUS
No.
CHARLOTTE
SheÂ’s adopted.
We now see the principal.
PRINCIPAL
I seriously question whether you two can raise a teenager.
CHARLOTTE
There have been no complaints yet.
PRINCIPAL
How long has she been under your care?
CHARLOTTE
Three months.
PRINCIPAL
It will only get more difficult.
AMADEUS
What does this have to do with you?
PRINCIPAL
Your daughter was in a fight today.
CHARLOTTE
A fight?
PRINCIPAL
She assaulted another student.
CHARLOTTE
There are two sides to every story.
PRINCIPAL
Either way, Mrs Valentine, the school frowns on fighting.
AMADEUS
Did she win?
PRINCIPAL
There are no winners in a fight as far as the school is concerned.
CHARLOTTE
What happened to the other girl?
PRINCIPAL
It was a boy.
[/quote]
That’s actually pretty good. It’s not fully fleshed out to be a whole scene, but as long as you add more it’ll make a great intro.
Ok. Let’s give it another go.
FADE IN:
EXT. NEW YORK CITY - SUMMER - DAY
It’s a bright sunny, cleared sky day. Hot sunrays pierce through the few clouds overhead directly into the eyes of REGIS (15). A short, pudgy fellow, wearing shorts, a t-shirt and sandals with socks pulled up to his knees. Regis also wears a colorful baseball cap with a little propeller at the top.
FLOYD
How many times do I have to say don’t look at the sun? You can go blind. You’re always doing stupid shit.
FLOYD (15), dramatically overdressed for a teenager his age, sports an Armani suit. His gel-plastered black hair bakes under the sun.
Floyd takes long, quick strides as they march down the street. Regis struggles to keep up.
FLOYD
Now remember, Regis, if any girls approach us, you know the drill. I wouldn’t want anyone to think that you’re actually with me.
REGIS
Roger.
FLOYD
And don’t think I’m doing this to punish you. This is for your own good, hell this is good for society in general. You should be paying me for this.
REGIS
Floyd…
FLOYD
For someone to be such a contemporary embarrassment for our generation, really speaks volumes about your sex life.
REGIS
I think that rash is coming back. It’s weird, it only happens in the summer when my scrotum gets very sweaty and moist, which causes friction and irritability between my inner, upper thighs.
FLOYD
Why would you tell me that? I’m not family, let alone your friend. What you are, Regis, is… you’re an acquaintance that I undoubtedly feel sorry for. You’re more of a friend by default, y’know someone who you don’t really like, but have to be their friend because they’re your friends girlfriend or something.
Floyd and Regis wander into a park where they settle on a nearby bench.
Hot, binki-topped girls rollerblade on the bike-trail that runs through the park.
FLOYD
Now… the first thing you need to know about girls is that, they’re just like you.
REGIS
Really… Me?
FLOYD
Good point. Scratch that. The first thing you need to know about girls is that, they’re just like me. You got to remember if you’re… I mean if I’m nervous, they’re probably nervous as well.
REGIS
This is good stuff.
FLOYD
You bet your ass it is. Now first of all, you have to take off that hat, surprisingly, chicks aren’t fand of aerodynamic physics.
Regis follows orders and takes off the hat. Regis’ lavishly long blonde hair that was hidden underneath droops down.
FLOYD
Second of all, don’t wear socks with sandals. You just don’t do that.
Again, Regis does what he’s told and takes off his socks.
FLOYD
Good. Now don’t hike your shorts up so high, the ideal position is a tad below waist level.
Regis adjusts his shorts to just below waist level.
FLOYD
Okay we’re ready. Now we’ve gone over this, when I make contact with a female, you stay at least 5-8 feet away from me at all times. But make sure you keep in range of clear audio.
Regis
Okay…
FLOYD
Oh shit, I almost forgot. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever compromise the progress you’ve made with a female for anyone.
Three hot, young, good-looking girls sitting around having a picnic near where Regis and Floyd sit.
FLOYD
It’s showtime.
Floyd gets up and casually saunters on toward the group of girls, carrying a smug look on his face. Regis, not too far behind, follows.
FLOYD.
Ehem. S’cuse me, ladies.
GIRL #1
Uh, can we help you?
FLOYD
Oh well, the name’s Thompson, Floyd Thompson. Greetings.
GIRL #2
And what are you a James Bond, wanna-be or something?
The three girls crack up in laughter.
GIRL #3
Yeah, what’s with the suit?
FLOYD
It’s Armani. A regardful alternative to impress such lavish young females such as yourselves.
GIRL #2
You got to be kidding me.
FLOYD
I kid you not, Ma’am. Floyd Thompson dresses to impress.
GIRL #3
You have got to be the biggest nerd I’ve ever come across. For one, you have way too much gel in your hair. Secondly, you don’t wear suits to the park, especially if you’re trying to pick up chicks, it just looks dumb. And finally, cut the whole Mister dictionary act.
FLOYD
Touché.
GIRL #1
Yeah… anyway, we were just about to leave.
The three girls gather up their things, and start to head off.
Floyd trudges back toward Regis.
FLOYD
Just shut up.
Regis takes off in a mad dash, and picks up a neckless on the ground.
REGIS
Hey! Hey! You dropped something.
Girl #2 turns around.
GIRL #2
Oh my god my mom’s neckless, thank you so much.
Girl #2 looks up and takes notice of Regis for the very first time.
REGIS
My… my name is Regis… and I get a little nervous around pretty girls.
Girl #2 laughs and starts to blush.
GIRL #2
My… my name is Kelly.
REGIS
Hi, Kelly.
Regis and Kelly stare deeply into eachother’s eyes.
THE END
Whew… I had to cut it short, as I just made the 10 minute mark.
Floyd is such a bastard. Very clever. I was reading the story and couldn’t figure out where you were heading with it and for the life of me, I just didn’t know until near the end. And I’m very good at those things.
Only thing I would change would be the Regis and Kelly thing, it’s too cutesy. Also Floyd, my god can he talk.
Haha, yeah I didn’t know where I was going with it either, until the very end.
Ohh, the joys of having 10 minutes to write something. ;D
I thought the ending was a bit too over the top as well, but I had to end it somehow, lol.
[quote=“Hans”]
That’s actually pretty good. It’s not fully fleshed out to be a whole scene, but as long as you add more it’ll make a great intro.
[/quote]
Yeah the idea was for a feature length film. So I thought I could do a ten minute thing and then see if I could keep it going and expand it to feature length.
it’s been along time since i’ve been here and also a long time since i’ve written anything and i suppose this experiment will kick start my “creative juices” <cliche <i hate using the word cliche. 10 minutes what to do with ten minutes.
INT. 17TH CENTURY STYLE BEDROOM - NIGHT
A half dressed man stands completely still in front of a large mirror, he is pale and appears to have lots of needle holes around his arms. He is bob.
Foot steps can be heard in the background slowly getting closer to the frozen like bob.
A 17th century style shirt hovers over to bob and is placed on him.
Suddenly a pair of hands appear around the shirt. The owner of the hands is ROD, a tall pale man with large front vampire like teeth.
ROD
you look better now, don’t you
bob doesn’t reply and continues to stare off to his side.
ROD
You look (beat) nice!
rod slowly turns bobs face to his.
He stares at him.
Bob slowly moves his eyes and stares at rod.
BOB
nice?
rod suddenly punches bob in the stomach, knocking him to the ground in a coughing fit.
A door bell can be heard.
ROD
your woman is here
rod helps bob up and places him in a chair with a contraption next to it.
the contraption is like a pump with one end a needle and the other end has two tubes.
bob sticks the needle into his arm.
rod rips it out in a furious rage and starts beating him.
a women eneters the room.
rod stops beating bob, casually leaves the room and enters the room next to it.
the room has a peep hole in it that shows the room that bob is in.
there ten minutes, rushed it at the end and it’s not really structured well.
ps. sorry for the grammer/spelling mistakes.
INT. CAR NIGHT
A man is driving a black Jaguar down a lonely road.
The clock on his expensive cd player shows 11:30. The radio is tuned into bbc news.
NEWSCASTER
There is a strange phenomenon going on in the middle
east today. According to reports a large beacon of light
has appeared in…
The radio goes to static.
The man tries other stations but gets nothing. He turns the radio off.
He looks up and sees the moon. It is blood red.
He looks back at the road, back at the black void.
He looks at the moon again, and it looks no different.
Just then a deer jumps in front of him. Backwards!
He steps on the brake but cannot avoid it.
When they collide the deer turns to dust.
He comes to a stop.
There is a buzzing sound surrounding him.
The radio comes on, playing Stairway to Heaven.
Then he sees a ghost walking down the center of the street towards him. The man is dressed in a white robe.
Beside the man is a speed limit sign. When the man walks past the sign falls like a piece of paper from the pole.
The man in the cars face is twisted in fear. He lets off the brake and steps on the gas. But the car doesn’t move.
The ghost is close now. It speaks in a soft voice.
GHOST
It is time for people to leave.
The ghost looks in his eyes.
GHOST
But not you.
He walks closer and the car disintegrates.
GHOST
The path you walk is sunny, and neat. But underneith
lies the corpses of the meek. You have chosen the product
of man over man. But all you shalt inherit shall come from
your own hand. And he who has toiled and died for others
shall reclaim, for the good they have done wasn’t in vain.
The man is sitting on the street now. Then the street is no more and the woods begin to close in on him till he is completely surrounded.
His clothes twist into fiber and fall to the earth. And the light disapears.
[quote]
the room has a peep hole in it that shows the room that bob is in.
there ten minutes, rushed it at the end and it’s not really structured well.
ps. sorry for the grammer/spelling mistakes.
[/quote]
You didn't wrap it up? End the story or the scene at least. It was leaving me wanting more and .......
Good job.
You've got the middle of something that could be a dark, moody, vampire story. It makes you curious about Bob and really curious about Rod. Just change the names
[quote=“WeaselCo”]
GHOST
The path you walk is sunny, and neat. But underneith
lies the corpses of the meek. You have chosen the product
of man over man. But all you shalt inherit shall come from
your own hand. And he who has toiled and died for others
shall reclaim, for the good they have done wasn’t in vain.
[/quote]
It starts off very interesting. The deer, the man in the road. The whole world assunder [sp]. Then it becomes confusing. Like the quote above, Whaaa?
It does make me wonder, what made it come to this and why him. But this explaination is confusing. Great concept.
that was near dynamite my friend i could see that as a kick booty moovie
it reminds me of risky business or rainman, the characters were well distinguished given the scene length
very entertaining, and i like your elevator piece too, it reminds me of my sister’s plays
IM TALKING TO DELIVERY MAN BY THE WAY
[quote=“Lil Dice”]
that was near dynamite my friend i could see that as a kick booty moovie
it reminds me of risky business or rainman, the characters were well distinguished given the scene length
very entertaining, and i like your elevator piece too, it reminds me of my sister’s plays
IM TALKING TO DELIVERY MAN BY THE WAY
[/quote]
Thanks… I try 
Appreciate the kind words, dude.
I know it’s been months now but here’s my attempt:
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