haha, funny shit. Well just last night I wen’t to the club and I got a little too drunk. I was pretty okay for most of the night- just being stupid and loud and retarded. Then on our way home my girlfriend, her friend and one of my buddies stopped at Perkins for food. I wen’t in (and I was still drunk and obnoxious) and I passed a few guys sitting at a table. To me, I’m sorry, they looked like a bunch of geeks. Like seriously. So naturally as I’m walking by I say to them, very loudly, “Hey!!! Chess club right?!” and my girlfriends friend slapped me in the back of the head and we kept walking. And then later while at the table, I was wearing Sean Paul type glasses and I had taken them off to eat. I put them right in front of me and then after I finished I was like “Where the fuck are my glasses?! Did you guys fuckn take them!? Where the fuck are they!?! You bastards!!!” I was searching through my girlfriends purse and they were laughing their assess off -then I finally saw them in front of me. Fuck I’m a dumb drunk. But good times.
This is happened last summer and was told by my present girlfriend and her friend. About me. I do recall a few moments but that’s all. Ok. It was originally planned to be a guys night out at the clubs. A bunch of us met at my buddy Mike’s (drunk pisser) place to pregame. I made the mistake of not eating anything prior to drinking. I bought three king cans of Kokanee (I think) and a small bottle of whiskey. So we’re sitting in his basement drinking and being roudy, I pound my beers in less than 10 mins. No joke. In king can’s I think it’s the equivalent of two and a half beers (correct me if im wrong) so that was like seven beers already, on an empty stomach, and I’m a bitch with alcohol (low tolerance). Our DD drives to Tijuana’s (name of the club) and we’re all already completely fucked outta our minds. We get into Tijuana’s and we do a shot of tequila. Now I was already at the FUN point of being drunk. There’s three points of drunkeness; 1: Happy Drunk (Loud, Funny, Hyper, Havin a good time), 2: Quiet drunk (Concentrates on something the whole night and only speaks when spoken to) and 3: The worst kind of drunk you can get; Over Dose. You’re seeing doubles, your head is spinning, can’t keep your eyes open, can’t keep em closed. It’s a preview of how bad your hangover is gonna be. Now, by having that shot of tequila I entered the O.D zone. But it usually doesn’t hit you till about half an hour after that last drink. I get a phone call from my girlfriend who’s going to another club. I try to persuade her to come to Tijuana’s (I was drunk and I wanted my girlfriend) but she and her friends don’t want to. But she tells me they’ll come pick me up and take me to the club they’re going to. She says to me “Meet us at the Toys R Us” The Toys R Us is 2 mins away from Tijuana’s. I reply “NO! I have a better idea! I’ll meet you at Toys R Us!” I hang up and I tell my buddy Tim that I’m pussywhipped and I gotta go and to tell the others. I run, immediately, across the street towards the Home Depot. But the Toys R Us was actually behind me. I stop on the small path leading to the Depot parking lot and realize that I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing and where the fuck I am. I run back to where I saw a home and garden clerk and ask him “Where’s the Toys R Us? I’m from America!” I live in Canada by the way. He points me in the right direction and I continue to the TRU. Fast forward --> I’m in the car with my girlfriend and a few of her friends and we turn a corner - I fall. I fall to the side of the car and I don’t get back up. I’m no longer happy drunk. I’m O.D’d like a mofo. I say look i’m not feeling well take me home. My girlfriend, god bless her, decides to stay with me and look after me (after she found out how friggn juiced I was) and tells her friends to just come into my place until I’m passed out. My parents go to our cottage in the summer so they weren’t home. After a very long attempt, helping me walk to my house, she tells her friends to just take off. We’re inside and I’m totally helpless. My girl helps me take my shoes off. So I sit on the staircase inside and she takes one shoe off. Neither of us saying a word. The secondÃ‚Â shoe comes off and I go BOOM. Fall flat on my face, passed out, drunk. To make an extremely long story (sorry) short, the rest of the night consisted of me telling her incomprehensibly to break up with me, that she deserved better, and that my head hurt. In case you’re wondering, I’m still with my girlfriend and we love eachother more than anything and we’re engaged to be engaged!