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The funniest joke ive ever heard


#1

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.



The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, “If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you.”



The hippie of course says that he’d love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. “If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder,” says the bus driver, “You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you.”



The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she’s in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. “I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first,” he says.



The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.



After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I’m the hippie! "



The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, “Ha ha, I’m the bus driver!”


#2

Hahahaha. Funny.


#3

[quote=“Mr.Pink”]
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.



The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, “If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you.”



The hippie of course says that he’d love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. “If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder,” says the bus driver, “You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you.”



The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she’s in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. “I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first,” he says.



The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.



After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I’m the hippie! "



The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, “Ha ha, I’m the bus driver!”
[/quote]

:o :o :o


#4

Well, it’s an improvement over the last one.


#5

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a “bitch” and the women called the man a “bastard”.



Their son walked in and said “What does bitch and bastard mean?” and the parents replied “ladies and gentlemen”.



The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said “feel my titties” and the man said “feel my dick”.



Their son walked in and asked “What does titties and dick mean?” and the parents replied “hats and coats”.



On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, “Shit” he said, the kid came in and asked “What’s that mean” and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.



Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, “Fuck” she said. Once again the kid asked “What’s that mean” the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.



Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!


#6

Where did Hitler Keep his Armies?..In his Sleeve-ies.



Thank you you’ve been a terrific audience… :laugh:


#7

[quote=“blue_lou_boyle”]Where did Hitler Keep his Armies?..In his Sleeve-ies.



Thank you you’ve been a terrific audience… :laugh:[/quote]

hahahahahah… DRY


#8

[quote=“blue_lou_boyle”]Where did Hitler Keep his Armies?..In his Sleeve-ies.



Thank you you’ve been a terrific audience… :laugh:[/quote]

LOLOL! :laugh: :laugh: Perfik!