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The Bastards- fan inspired spin off skits, Don't delete


#1

New Bastards

  1. Harvey Shokly
  2. Pawnee Bastard -



    Don’t delete anyone’s inspired skits, I condemn that. The film left me wanting more which is what these skits are about. I’m still working on it for fun, don’t delete it please. *Copywrite footer



    The Bastards -Every Bastard A King©

    Aldo-“Every Bastard a king” I say, lighting a macanudo cigar, "yeah- , … I like the sound of that,"

    Three soldiers in a company walk in on a march, "Sound off , 1 2 sound off 1 2 3 4 5- "

    Aldo-"Seargent !! "

    Harvey-"Yes sir!!Reporting for duty sir!"

    Aldo -"Seargent, what time did I tell you to report?"

    Harvey-"Sir, two hours ago sir! But I got held up,"

    Aldo-"Dam you really are a bastard son!"

    Harvey-"Thank you Sir! "

    Aldo-“No son, you’re going to have to report, yeah, your clothes smell like whiskey and what you smoking?” He takes a wiff and a puff

    They all giggle while trying to stay straight faced,

    Harvey-"well it was a rough tour sir, and I was in charge, the boys needed relief."

    Aldo-"Hmmm-, Seargent, carry on"

    Harvey-"Yes sir!"



    The Bastards - Aunt Bessie Gonna Come



    The Bastards walk up to a big swastika sign on a wall.



    Aldo- “Hmm, now Would you look at that?”

    Harvey-“Aunt Bessie gonna come” he grumbles

    Aldo- “What the hell is Aunt Bessie?”

    Harvey- “Aunt Bessie(He pulls out a long blade) is the name of my knife, it’s reserved for one thing and one thing only, killin Nazis, and nazis only”

    Aldo (Nods)“One day I’m gonna understand you”

    (Throws the end of a tight hand rolled cigarette on the ground and stamps it on the ground)

    Harvey “Oh you will understand, come on!”

    He kneels down and runs inside in black ops fasion with his knife “aunt bessie” leading the way.



    I will have my joy from success!! Pacifying a nazi



    Aldo shouting at a Nazi on the ground, he is in a deep loud rant after a Nazi is caught torturing a community, the Nazi has employed sophisticated attacks which left a mass grave below a twenty foot cliff outside a bordered village, the Nazi was caught experiencing the poor upbringing of the German word Shadenfreude, enjoying the torture of others, while Aldo is thinking about the good upbringing Joy from success for these people who are now dead in a fifteen foot heap.

    The Bastards walk up to the cliff, there is Mediterranean buildings seventy paces in the background a small dirt road and some trees and a cliff. They walk up to the cliff and look down startled, below them is a mass grave left out in the open. Aldo is interrogating a fully uniformed Nazi on the ground, while the other Bastards are chatting by the cliff side.



    Aldo- “I will have my joy from success!!!” “ I will have my Joy from success!! You hear me damm it!!! I will have my joy from success!!!”

    The Nazi cries on the ground.

    It’s raining in the woods closing in on the wolf den, they have captured a Nazi who is on the ground and bleeding from a wound.

    Aldo -“Harvey!!!” He yells loudly

    Harvey- “Yea”

    Aldo – “Where is Aunt Bessie” he holds out his hand [CU] like a doctor for a scalpel.

    Hugo- God dam jack holes repopulated the whole F N village over night and nobody even knows, every one of these people occupying these homes is a Nazi.

    Harvey “Ho- that’s rank, these people are sick f’s”

    Pawnee Bastard picks up a can of cyanide canisters “who leaves civilian bodies out like that, they came in over night , look cyanide canisters, they moved in the morning, they didn’t even have a chance”

    Aldo- “Yeah? This vacations is short lived, we are taking this place down to rubble”



    A chief pawnee bastard



    After that there is smoldering rubble, the pawnee chief has gathered the mass grave bodies for a ceremony to honor the dead. Harvey and the Chief are speaking by the fire pitt.



    Pawnee Bastard -"People like us, who think like us, who love like us, you start to see people from there core, … "

    Harvey- "You see like that?"

    Pawnee Bastrad - “Bones , it’s all bones” Pawnee in a trance see’s people as walking white skelatons in the plain of day and dark of nigh. “This right here, it’s still alive” he pulls out a skull of a eagle from a pouch. “There is soul in these bones”

    He puts some of the blood from the wound on the skull.

    Harvey- Well you watch yourself, you ain’t gonna be any use with your bones as an accessory on my uniform”

    Pawnee – Shit, Your wrong I call upon these power animals for strength and guidance, to heal the tribe and anyone may call upon me.

    His trance takes him in flight over there next target

    Harvey “God damn it chief” Harvey looks in his eyes all dialated in a deep trance he looks closely from above.[CU] “where the hell are you, you sure as hell ain’t home?”

    Aldo is having a smoke near the smoldering rubble and puts out his cigarrette , he has been listening to them.

    Aldo "Where there at Hell is home, If the chief is talking about giving these poor souls new life, let em"



    Coming soon

    A Nazi public event, I call it taking out the trash.

    Harvey "I call it taking out the trash"

    Baron Von What?

    Aldo-"Baron Von what?"

    Do you burn books?

    Aldo-"Do you burn books?“









    The guise of Non Partisanship

    Operation Bullseye a siege inside the WWII parliment that overthrows a few nazi spies onIt’s bones all of us just bones.” the inside



    Bastards Encounters of the fourth Kind

    The Bastards encounter a paranormal Nazi experiment in the darkness at precicely 3:06 AM.



    Southern Pharmacy_Comedy spin off[/u]©

    US Bastard Soldier in the South and Euthanasia Pharmacy



    I meet an old friend of mine Jessica Simpson down south for a few days, she tells me she has to run some Aarons why don’t I come along. I say sure, she has her little toy puppy dog with her, I’m not a toy poodle kind of guy, but It’s ok I put up with it nice. She says, hold on I need to stop off at this pharmacy. We walk in, and I ask her what do you need? She says “Oh, well my dog got lost and someone else didn’t take good care of it, I thought I would get a new one.” Get this, In The south they have a euthanasia section in the corner pharmacy. We walk up to the counter, and the pharmacist says “Ok, but I’m going to have to ask you some questions, we have strict regulations, how many do you want” Simpson, “Uhh, five” She giggles” The pharmacist eyes her down like high noon for a minute , Pharmacist “Ok” Unbelievable! That’s it! How many do you want? That’s the regulations? She thought she would just knock off her whole family over thanksgiving. She was chewing on gum and quickly stuck the puppy and handed me her dead dog,

    I popped a beer in the car and realized the toy poodle croaked, Jesus! I say, she gigles, give me that I say, I get the pharmacy goods and smash them on the freeway side as she peels out and drives, I pop another beer and then as I was headed back to Hawaii I was thinking about how fucked up that trip to the south was.



    Kudos to the whasps, can I draft a wasp? (Female volunteer)

    http://news.yahoo.com/video/us-15749625 … s-18556078



    These skits are protected by federal copywrite and may not be replicated or reproduced without express written consent from comedysales@zoomtoons.net

#2

These things you post, they’re whack. And this line at the bottom, [quote]These skits are protected by federal copywrite and may not be replicated or reproduced without express written consent from comedysales@zoomtoons.net[/quote] is pushing my spammer button. If you’d like to contribute some of your own thoughts and ideas, please feel free. However, I will ask you to not post any more of this stuff.


#3

Would you like me to point you to the FBI website that guarantees what I write and publish is copywrited, I’m enjoying my skits, and I just spoke with the webmaster who doesn’t have a problem with my posts.

I’ll Post what I like, Freedom of speach, ain’t no one gonna take that, if there is one thing THE BASTARDS don’t do is pull tounges.

I’ll post what I want, period


#4

If there is one thing Bastards don’t do is Pull tounges


#5

[quote=“CaliGriller@twitter”]If there is one thing Bastards don’t do is Pull tounges[/quote]

Dude, I’m tired of deleting your shit. Please refrain from posting it, you’re just cluttering up the boards.


#6

Whatevs… I still think all these things you post are a form of spam. We deleted other posts of yours because they were just incoherent ramblings, so try and stick with a subject please. Peace.


#7

[quote=“Ify”][quote=“CaliGriller@twitter”]If there is one thing Bastards don’t do is Pull tounges[/quote]

Dude, I’m tired of deleting your shit. Please refrain from posting it, you’re just cluttering up the boards.[/quote]
DUDE- the webmaster doesn’t have a problem with it, I’ll post what I want, freedom of speach, THe Bastards don’t pull tounges.


#8

[quote=“Sgt. Geoi Donowitz”]Whatevs… I still think all these things you post are a form of spam. We deleted other posts of yours because they were just incoherent ramblings, so try and stick with a subject please. Peace.[/quote]

There is no rambling these are skits, Try reading and comprehending.

SEAN CONNERY “Goose Stepping morons should try reading books instead of Burning them”


#9

[quote=“CaliGriller@twitter”]
DUDE- the webmaster doesn’t have a problem with it, I’ll post what I want, freedom of speach, THe Bastards don’t pull tounges.[/quote]

Pretty sure you mean “freedom of speech”, but that has nothing to do with whether we want to delete rubbish that junks up the board. It’s our job to keep this board a pleasant place to visit… You simply can’t post random gibberish all over the place and think it should stay up.


#10

There is no random gibborish, these are skits that are short stories. They are works in progress, the only gibborish is what your talking about which is innacurate. THere is nothing off topic either, it’s based on the movie, leave it please, thank you.


[quote=“Sgt. Geoi Donowitz”][quote=“CaliGriller@twitter”]
DUDE- the webmaster doesn’t have a problem with it, I’ll post what I want, freedom of speach, THe Bastards don’t pull tounges.[/quote]

Pretty sure you mean “freedom of speech”, but that has nothing to do with whether we want to delete rubbish that junks up the board. It’s our job to keep this board a pleasant place to visit… You simply can’t post random gibberish all over the place and think it should stay up.[/quote]


#11

<LINK_TEXT text=“http://www.tarantino.info/community/vie … 13&t=12237”>http://www.tarantino.info/community/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=12237</LINK_TEXT>


#12

[quote=“Sgt. Geoi Donowitz”]<LINK_TEXT text=“http://www.tarantino.info/community/vie … 13&t=12237”>http://www.tarantino.info/community/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=12237</LINK_TEXT>[/quote]
There is no rambling these are skits, Try reading and comprehending.

SEAN CONNERY "Goose Stepping morons should try reading books instead of Burning them"

And bastards don’t pull tounges. this is a perfect home for this type of creativity.


#13

[quote=“CaliGriller@twitter”][quote=“Sgt. Geoi Donowitz”]<LINK_TEXT text=“http://www.tarantino.info/community/vie … 13&t=12237”>http://www.tarantino.info/community/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=12237</LINK_TEXT>[/quote]
There is no rambling these are skits, Try reading and comprehending.

SEAN CONNERY "Goose Stepping morons should try reading books instead of Burning them"

And bastards don’t pull tounges. this is a perfect home for this type of creativity.[/quote]

Dude, you’re doing it again. Stop posting the same thing over and over. You can have your ONE topic, just don’t spam the boards with it. You don’t have to keep repeating everything you say.


#14

I dont get why you just wont ban the prick.


#15

[quote=“Mr.Pink”]I dont get why you just wont ban the prick.[/quote]

Hilarious, Tommy. So many people have said the exact same thing about you. We can’t really ban someone because they’re w#r



When it gets into the area of abuse or spamming, then we must start banning.