The beginning of my script that was mentioned in the Post Brief Plot topic:
INT. DARRENS BEDROOM (MORNING)
DARREN, 13, lies asleep in his bedroom, the
Clock reads 4:32 PM. A SIN CITY, CLINT EASTWOOD,
JACKIE BROWN, LED ZEPPELIN, JAWS, CAN’T HARDLY
WAIT and many other posters lie in his room.
Suddenly the phone begins ringing, DARREN, suddenly
Twitches and his eyes open. He closes his eyes again,
Trying to ignore the ringing and falls back asleep.
The ringing continues, DARREN opens his eyes again and
Turns his head to the clock.
DARREN
Oh Jesus, its 6:30.
DARREN jumps back to his bed, and covers his
Ears with a pillow. The ringing still continues.
His mother mumbles something in the background,
DARREN moves the pillow from his ears.
DARREN (shouts to his mother)
What?!
MOTHER (O.S.)
Your wanted on the phone!
DARREN, sighs, and lies back down. He grabs a phone
Beside his bed and clicks the talk button.
DARREN
Hello?
DARREN’S cousin GREG, 24, is onthe other end
Of the phone.
GREG
DARREN, I need you to do me a
Favor man.
DARREN
Dude, it’s 4:30 OK?
GREG
What? No it’s not, its 6:30 in the
Mourning.
DARREN, turns and sits up, sitting on his bed,
With the phone still to his ear.
DARREN
Yeah I know. But I set my clock a few
Hours ahead, so when I wake up, its look
Like I’ve been asleep for a long time. It
helps me get up earlier.
GREG’S girlfriend scrambles around in
The background of his room, chucking clothes
Around.
GIRLFRIEND
God dammed! Where is it!?
DARREN
Dude what was that?
GREG
My girlfriend DARREN, she might
Be pregnant, she’s looking around
For the test, but she can’t find it.
It’s the reason why I need to call you.
DARREN
What’s up man?
GREG scratches his chin, a little
Scared to ask DARREN this.
GREG
You know the video store I own,
RAGING VIDEOS?
DARREN
Uh huh.
GREG scratches his chin once again.
GREG
Yeah, well we’re driving to the hospital,
And won’t be home until like 12 am, so I
Know you’ve helped out with the shop before,
I was hoping if you could work at it all day
Today?
DARREN
WHAT?! Well, the place is locked isn’t?
GREG’s girlfriend walks across the background
Again.
GREG
Yeah, you took the second set of keys
To the shop the other day remember?
DARREN pulls off the blankets, revealing
He’s still in his jeans, shirt and jacket,
From the other night. He reaches into his jacket
Pocket and pulls out a set of keys. DARREN,
Stares at them with widened eyes.
DARREN
Oh yeah.
GREG turns around and begins walking
to his bed, and sits down.
GREG
OK, leave at about 7:00, store
closes at 11:30, you know everything
else, you’ve worked with me before,
just don’t forget to make the people
sign the recite when they rent the
movies.
GREG, hangs up the phone. DARREN, still has it
to his ear, all this news is so new to him, and he
only has 20 minutes to get to the shop.
DARREN pushes the off button, and drops the phone
to the floor.
DARREN
I gotta call ALEX.
EXT.OUTSIDE ALEX’S HOUSE
A car comes fastly driving through a
road between a large area of houses.
It quickly pulls up to one, with the
garage wide open, inside is ALEX, also
13, drawing with his notebook lying on
his knee. He looks up as the car stops in
front of the driveway. From inside the house,
the arguments of ALEX’s parents can be heard.
ALEX’s brother JOHN, 19, opens the door of
the car, and shuts it. He straightens
his black leather jacket, and walks forward,
whacking ALEX across the head.
JOHN (cont’d)
Sup ALEX?
ALEX punches JOHN in the arm, as he opens
the door, leading into the house, where
the arguments of his parents can be heard
even louder, and JOHN shuts the door, and
the argues fade.
ALEX looks back at the door, angered. Listening
to his parents cries. He sighs.
EXT. KITCHEN OF HOUSE
ALEX, walks through the kitchen, his parents
screaming and punching each other in the living
room. He opens the fridge door, pulls out a glass
of milk from a night earlier, and looks at the clock
on the microwave.
6:34
He takes a sip of his milk, still starring at
the clock. He turns to his parents arguing.
ALEX
Always waking me up so early.
Suddenly his phone begins ringing, ALEX sets his milk on
the table, and walks over to the phone. He looks at the
ID on the phone.
DARREN
555-3443
ALEX picks up the phone.
ALEX
Hey DARREN.
DARREN, is on the other line of the phone,
in his bathroom, brushing his teeth in one
hand, his phone in the other.
DARREN (brushing)
Hey ALEX I need you over here
ASAP.
ALEX (looking confused)
What?
DARREN spits in the drain, and washes
his toothbrush.
DARREN
I need you over here ASAP.
ALEX
Why?
DARREN
My cousins GREG might be having
a baby.
ALEX
He’s pregnant?
DARREN
No, his girlfriend is
idiot.
ALEX
Oh.
ALEX grabs his milk and begins drinking
it again.
DARREN
So I’m talking over RAGING VIDEOS
for today.
ALEX
Alone?
DARREN
Yeah, but thats why I’m calling you,
LINK, and JOSH to head over here, so
we can head to the video store, and
work their for a day.
ALEX
Why do I have to work there too?
DARREN
Because you ask too many questions
ALL RIGHT?!
ALEX, shuts up, a little shocked.
ALEX
Well, all right, I’ll be over in a
minute.
DARREN
Thanks, before you leave
call LINK.
ALEX
The ugly?
DARREN gets a confused look on his face.
DARREN
What?
ALEX
I thought this could be like the
GOOD, THE BAD, & THE UGLY, you
know I’m good, your bad–
DARREN
Wait, why am I Sentenza, I should
be Joe, I am the one with the Clint
Eastwood poster.
ALEX
Whatever, I’ll call LINK, AND I’ll
call JOSH, and all three of us will be
over in no time.
DARREN
All right, we’re leaving to the shop
at 7, see ya.
DARREN hangs up the phone. ALEX, hangs up his.
He quickly picks it up again, and dials a few
numbers and lets it ring.
My New Script Idea (Good Or Not)
Continued.
EXT. LINK’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
The TV plays PULP FICTION, LINK, also
13, sits on the couch watching.
Jules (on TV)
You sendin’ the wolf?
Marsellus (on TV)
Don’t you feel better mother
fucker?
Jules (on TV)
Shit negro! That’s all you had to
say!
Suddenly LINK’s phone begins ringing.
He grabs his remote and pauses the movie.
LINK picks up the phone.
LINK
Yeah?
ALEX
LINK, it’s ALEX.
LINK
Uh huh.
ALEX
We’re leaving over to DARREN’s
in five minutes, no questions just
go.
ALEX hangs up. LINK, still has the phone
in his hand, confused.
LINK
The hell?
He puts the phone back on the table,
still with a confused look on his
face, he stares back at the phone, thinking.
He shrugs and stands up.
He walks over to the front door, puts
on his shoes, and turns the door knob,
opening the door.
LINK looks up.
LINK
Mom! I’m gone over DARRENS!
EXT. BEDROOM
His mother lies sound asleep, in bed,
not hearing LINK’s words.
EXT. RESUME LINK
LINK shrugs again and pushes the door
open wide, and walks outside, closing
it again.
He wanders outside and looks at the watch
and his wrist.
6:37
LINK walks on.
INT. OUTSIDE - BACK ALLEY
JOSH, the fourth 13 year old, holds his
cell phone to his ear, looking a little
angered.
JOSH
Go over DARREN’s? Fuck, I was gonna do
that anyways!
JOSH hangs up his cell and puts it in
his pocket. He looks at a group of 6
4 year olds, starring at him on his nice
bike.
BOY #1
Who was that mister?
JOSH
Ah, my fuckin’ friends asking me to
go over DARREN’s house, which I was
gonna fuckin’ do anyways. He said go
over right now, so I guess it means I
gotta go little dudes.
BOY #2
What was the name of the mister
who called you?
JOSH
ALEX, real shithead you know? He’s
always asking to sleep over my place
cause his families shitheads too,
eh? OK, peace.
JOSH pedals away on his bike. The
boys are left alone.
BOY #2
The guy was fuckin’ cool.
make there ages 16 to 24 so the people who watch this movie can relate to them.
also people don’t talk to themselves, you know “oh, jesus it’s 6:30”, just write “Darren has a shocked look upon his face”.
but i think it would be cool if you had darren talk to the audience like in “feris buellars day off” it could be another reference to movies.
add as much movies reference as possible (it would be bettter if you pay homage to older films - like from the 40’s to 80’s).
[quote=“the true gentleman”]
but i think it would be cool if you had darren talk to the audience like in “feris buellars day off” it could be another reference to movies.
[/quote]
Nah, the scripts not just about Darren. He’s not even the lead character (none of the four guys really are, they all have about the same screen time)
[quote=“the true gentleman”]
also people don’t talk to themselves, you know “oh, jesus it’s 6:30”
[/quote]
Ahaahaha, i do, alot. I once told my reflection id be right back, but realised at once the error of my ways.
[quote=“plunderbunnie”]
Ahaahaha, i do, alot. I once told my reflection id be right back, but realised at once the error of my ways.ÂÂ
[/quote]
that’s the funniest thing i’ve heard all day.
Yeah making the characters younger contributes to the effect in so many ways it just makes them easyer for anyone to relate to
Yeah make them older. I don’t know how old Gregg is, but if he’s thirteen and thinking his girlfriend might be pregnant then there’s something wrong about that. Good work so far though.
[quote=“DomesticatedMatt”]
Yeah make them older. I don’t know how old Gregg is, but if he’s thirteen and thinking his girlfriend might be pregnant then there’s something wrong about that. Good work so far though.
[/quote]
He’s 24 in the script.
[quote=“DomesticatedMatt”]
So a 13 year old and 24 year old really doesn’t make sense.
[/quote]
I do not understand a fucking word that your saying.
All im saying is a 24 year old would not in his right mind trust a 13 year old with the video store
[quote=“DomesticatedMatt”]
All im saying is a 24 year old would not in his right mind trust a 13 year old with the video store
[/quote]
Darrens worked at the store before, and Greg couldn’t find anyone else. It’s all in there.
[quote=“WeaselCo”]
You have to be 15 to legally work in my state. :-</E>
[/quote]
The key word here is ‘legally’ 
And 13 can be responsible, not the most of them, but some of course.