My New Script Idea (Good Or Not)

The beginning of my script that was mentioned in the Post Brief Plot topic:

INT. DARRENS BEDROOM (MORNING)



DARREN, 13, lies asleep in his bedroom, the

Clock reads 4:32 PM. A SIN CITY, CLINT EASTWOOD,



JACKIE BROWN, LED ZEPPELIN, JAWS, CAN’T HARDLY

WAIT and many other posters lie in his room.



Suddenly the phone begins ringing, DARREN, suddenly

Twitches and his eyes open. He closes his eyes again,

Trying to ignore the ringing and falls back asleep.



The ringing continues, DARREN opens his eyes again and

Turns his head to the clock.



DARREN

Oh Jesus, its 6:30.



DARREN jumps back to his bed, and covers his

Ears with a pillow. The ringing still continues.

His mother mumbles something in the background,

DARREN moves the pillow from his ears.



DARREN (shouts to his mother)

What?!



MOTHER (O.S.)

Your wanted on the phone!



DARREN, sighs, and lies back down. He grabs a phone

Beside his bed and clicks the talk button.



DARREN

Hello?



DARREN’S cousin GREG, 24, is onthe other end

Of the phone.



GREG

DARREN, I need you to do me a

Favor man.



DARREN

Dude, it’s 4:30 OK?



GREG

What? No it’s not, its 6:30 in the

Mourning.



DARREN, turns and sits up, sitting on his bed,

With the phone still to his ear.



DARREN

Yeah I know. But I set my clock a few

Hours ahead, so when I wake up, its look

Like I’ve been asleep for a long time. It

helps me get up earlier.



GREG’S girlfriend scrambles around in

The background of his room, chucking clothes

Around.



GIRLFRIEND

God dammed! Where is it!?



DARREN

Dude what was that?



GREG

My girlfriend DARREN, she might

Be pregnant, she’s looking around

For the test, but she can’t find it.

It’s the reason why I need to call you.



DARREN

What’s up man?



GREG scratches his chin, a little

Scared to ask DARREN this.



GREG

You know the video store I own,

RAGING VIDEOS?



DARREN

Uh huh.





GREG scratches his chin once again.



GREG

Yeah, well we’re driving to the hospital,

And won’t be home until like 12 am, so I

Know you’ve helped out with the shop before,

I was hoping if you could work at it all day

Today?



DARREN

WHAT?! Well, the place is locked isn’t?



GREG’s girlfriend walks across the background

Again.



GREG

Yeah, you took the second set of keys

To the shop the other day remember?



DARREN pulls off the blankets, revealing

He’s still in his jeans, shirt and jacket,

From the other night. He reaches into his jacket

Pocket and pulls out a set of keys. DARREN,

Stares at them with widened eyes.



DARREN

Oh yeah.



GREG turns around and begins walking

to his bed, and sits down.



GREG

OK, leave at about 7:00, store

closes at 11:30, you know everything

else, you’ve worked with me before,

just don’t forget to make the people

sign the recite when they rent the

movies.



GREG, hangs up the phone. DARREN, still has it

to his ear, all this news is so new to him, and he

only has 20 minutes to get to the shop.



DARREN pushes the off button, and drops the phone

to the floor.



DARREN

I gotta call ALEX.



EXT.OUTSIDE ALEX’S HOUSE



A car comes fastly driving through a

road between a large area of houses.

It quickly pulls up to one, with the

garage wide open, inside is ALEX, also

13, drawing with his notebook lying on

his knee. He looks up as the car stops in

front of the driveway. From inside the house,

the arguments of ALEX’s parents can be heard.

ALEX’s brother JOHN, 19, opens the door of

the car, and shuts it. He straightens

his black leather jacket, and walks forward,

whacking ALEX across the head.



JOHN (cont’d)

Sup ALEX?



ALEX punches JOHN in the arm, as he opens

the door, leading into the house, where

the arguments of his parents can be heard

even louder, and JOHN shuts the door, and

the argues fade.



ALEX looks back at the door, angered. Listening

to his parents cries. He sighs.



EXT. KITCHEN OF HOUSE



ALEX, walks through the kitchen, his parents

screaming and punching each other in the living

room. He opens the fridge door, pulls out a glass

of milk from a night earlier, and looks at the clock

on the microwave.



6:34



He takes a sip of his milk, still starring at

the clock. He turns to his parents arguing.



ALEX

Always waking me up so early.



Suddenly his phone begins ringing, ALEX sets his milk on

the table, and walks over to the phone. He looks at the

ID on the phone.



DARREN

555-3443



ALEX picks up the phone.



ALEX

Hey DARREN.



DARREN, is on the other line of the phone,

in his bathroom, brushing his teeth in one

hand, his phone in the other.



DARREN (brushing)

Hey ALEX I need you over here

ASAP.



ALEX (looking confused)

What?



DARREN spits in the drain, and washes

his toothbrush.



DARREN

I need you over here ASAP.



ALEX

Why?



DARREN

My cousins GREG might be having

a baby.



ALEX

He’s pregnant?



DARREN

No, his girlfriend is

idiot.



ALEX

Oh.



ALEX grabs his milk and begins drinking

it again.



DARREN

So I’m talking over RAGING VIDEOS

for today.



ALEX

Alone?



DARREN

Yeah, but thats why I’m calling you,

LINK, and JOSH to head over here, so

we can head to the video store, and

work their for a day.



ALEX

Why do I have to work there too?



DARREN

Because you ask too many questions

ALL RIGHT?!



ALEX, shuts up, a little shocked.



ALEX

Well, all right, I’ll be over in a

minute.



DARREN

Thanks, before you leave

call LINK.



ALEX

The ugly?



DARREN gets a confused look on his face.



DARREN

What?



ALEX

I thought this could be like the

GOOD, THE BAD, & THE UGLY, you

know I’m good, your bad–



DARREN

Wait, why am I Sentenza, I should

be Joe, I am the one with the Clint

Eastwood poster.



ALEX

Whatever, I’ll call LINK, AND I’ll

call JOSH, and all three of us will be

over in no time.



DARREN

All right, we’re leaving to the shop

at 7, see ya.



DARREN hangs up the phone. ALEX, hangs up his.

He quickly picks it up again, and dials a few

numbers and lets it ring.

Continued.



EXT. LINK’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM



The TV plays PULP FICTION, LINK, also

13, sits on the couch watching.



Jules (on TV)

You sendin’ the wolf?



Marsellus (on TV)

Don’t you feel better mother

fucker?



Jules (on TV)

Shit negro! That’s all you had to

say!



Suddenly LINK’s phone begins ringing.

He grabs his remote and pauses the movie.

LINK picks up the phone.



LINK

Yeah?



ALEX

LINK, it’s ALEX.



LINK

Uh huh.



ALEX

We’re leaving over to DARREN’s

in five minutes, no questions just

go.



ALEX hangs up. LINK, still has the phone

in his hand, confused.



LINK

The hell?



He puts the phone back on the table,

still with a confused look on his

face, he stares back at the phone, thinking.

He shrugs and stands up.



He walks over to the front door, puts

on his shoes, and turns the door knob,

opening the door.



LINK looks up.



LINK

Mom! I’m gone over DARRENS!



EXT. BEDROOM



His mother lies sound asleep, in bed,

not hearing LINK’s words.



EXT. RESUME LINK



LINK shrugs again and pushes the door

open wide, and walks outside, closing

it again.



He wanders outside and looks at the watch

and his wrist.



6:37



LINK walks on.



INT. OUTSIDE - BACK ALLEY



JOSH, the fourth 13 year old, holds his

cell phone to his ear, looking a little

angered.



JOSH

Go over DARREN’s? Fuck, I was gonna do

that anyways!



JOSH hangs up his cell and puts it in

his pocket. He looks at a group of 6

4 year olds, starring at him on his nice

bike.



BOY #1

Who was that mister?



JOSH

Ah, my fuckin’ friends asking me to

go over DARREN’s house, which I was

gonna fuckin’ do anyways. He said go

over right now, so I guess it means I

gotta go little dudes.



BOY #2

What was the name of the mister

who called you?



JOSH

ALEX, real shithead you know? He’s

always asking to sleep over my place

cause his families shitheads too,

eh? OK, peace.



JOSH pedals away on his bike. The

boys are left alone.



BOY #2

The guy was fuckin’ cool.

DARREN is my first name! What a coincidence!

make there ages 16 to 24 so the people who watch this movie can relate to them.



also people don’t talk to themselves, you know “oh, jesus it’s 6:30”, just write “Darren has a shocked look upon his face”.



but i think it would be cool if you had darren talk to the audience like in “feris buellars day off” it could be another reference to movies.



add as much movies reference as possible (it would be bettter if you pay homage to older films - like from the 40’s to 80’s).

[quote=“the true gentleman”]
but i think it would be cool if you had darren talk to the audience like in “feris buellars day off” it could be another reference to movies.
[/quote]

Nah, the scripts not just about Darren. He’s not even the lead character (none of the four guys really are, they all have about the same screen time)

[quote=“the true gentleman”]


also people don’t talk to themselves, you know “oh, jesus it’s 6:30”
[/quote]

Ahaahaha, i do, alot. I once told my reflection id be right back, but realised at once the error of my ways.

well have them all talk to the audience

[quote=“plunderbunnie”]
Ahaahaha, i do, alot. I once told my reflection id be right back, but realised at once the error of my ways.ÂÂ
[/quote]

that’s the funniest thing i’ve heard all day.

Yeah making the characters younger contributes to the effect in so many ways it just makes them easyer for anyone to relate to

Its a bit unconventional…no, more like strange :-X

I granted your guys wishes. The age is changed to 16 and 15.

Yeah make them older. I don’t know how old Gregg is, but if he’s thirteen and thinking his girlfriend might be pregnant then there’s something wrong about that. Good work so far though.

[quote=“DomesticatedMatt”]
Yeah make them older. I don’t know how old Gregg is, but if he’s thirteen and thinking his girlfriend might be pregnant then there’s something wrong about that. Good work so far though.
[/quote]

He’s 24 in the script.

So a 13 year old and 24 year old really doesn’t make sense.

[quote=“DomesticatedMatt”]
So a 13 year old and 24 year old really doesn’t make sense.
[/quote]

I do not understand a fucking word that your saying.

All im saying is a 24 year old would not in his right mind trust a 13 year old with the video store

[quote=“DomesticatedMatt”]
All im saying is a 24 year old would not in his right mind trust a 13 year old with the video store

[/quote]

Darrens worked at the store before, and Greg couldn’t find anyone else. It’s all in there.

You have to be 15 to legally work in my state. :-</E>

Same here.

[quote=“WeaselCo”]
You have to be 15 to legally work in my state. :-</E>
[/quote]

The key word here is ‘legally’ :wink:



And 13 can be responsible, not the most of them, but some of course.