click on the link below to upload. I need help with dialogue, any suggestions on what to do?
Document.pdf (20.6 KB)
Your dialogue doesn’t seem too bad at all. I’ve definitly seen alot worse I can tell you that. What i do for dialogue is instead of sitting for hours trying to figure out whats the best line i could use, i imagine myself as the character in the situation and write what first comes to mind, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
I thought it sounded kind of forced. I wanted to establish their relationship before I could proceed to the next scene, where he uses the first prototype of a chemical that can bring the dead to life. So he’s not to sure to use it on his deceased daughter yet, so he’s going to test it on this other “specimen”, that eventually comes back to life and escapes from the biolab and into the wilderness. Anywho, if you were to rate my dialogue from a scale from 1-10, what would it be?
-15
just kidding. 
You need flair baby. You need pow, now, energy!!!
Sorry, my mind went to LA for a moment.
It is forced. Relax.
I’m not gonna rate it, I hate rating stuff.
Dreadful indeed. Try hanging out with people for awhile.
When you do try to listen more than you talk.
SnakeCharmers a girl??? :o
I thoguht it was ok. It just dosent flow quite naturally yet, but the good thing is that it exists, now you can woprk with it, you know what message they are trying to convey. Sometimes you need to give yourself a break and come back later.
Its like reading a Resident Evil novel.
I learned to write dialogue by sitting down and writing down some scenes that came entirely from something I had experienced that day. I would write about something that happened and just use the exact words of what me or someone else said and I would just ultimately repeat them or change a line if something was really good and I believed in it.
Then, once you’ve done this after a while you can start writing entirely original scripts. Horror, Comedy, Suspense. You’ve already experienced it and know it first hand. Repeat what’s good or, again, add something if it just feels really smart or clever.
To me good dialogue isn’t trying to be cool. I remember in “Batman Forever” in the scene between Nicole Kidman and Val Kilmer on the rooftop. She keeps throwing back cheesy lines and he keeps throwing 'em back. The kind of stuff only a date rapist at a sleazy bar would only use.
Ex. "I’m an open book… ya read?"
Good dialogue is the things your friends say. The stuff you’ve heard their friends say. The stuff your family says. And comic relief when needed (don’t pull a 21st century Lucas).
If you’re gonna try too hard then why try at all?
Today I had an idea while having a ride in a car to see a movie. What if… I would start writing a diary… in a screenplay format? And god damn I felt good after having that idea.
And about being funny. Don’t TRY to do that. Do it. It has to be done seriously. It can’t just be a fucking joke. The two guys acting it out must really act it. And it must ring true to life. (Not very sure what I’m trying to say here, but what the hell, I’m kind a tired but happy.)
[quote=“mr. Crazi”]
Today I had an idea while having a ride in a car to see a movie. What if… I would start writing a diary… in a screenplay format? And god damn I felt good after having that idea.
[/quote]
i kinda do that already except instead of a diary i write notes about writing notes in screenplay format to my mother.