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Anybody good at Photoshop?

If anybody is good at Photoshop, can you please notify me in any way possible, I am looking to make a “is a Basterd” picture of myself but I:



A) Don’t have the program

AND

B) Am god-awful at it



Thanks in advance.

Few days ago, i made this photo retouch to celebrate the birthday of a character actor:

http://www.federicomancosu.com/NIC_IS_A_BASTERD_by_federico_mancosu_design.jpg