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Write A Script For The Stereotypical Film Trailer


#1

fade from black



sound of slowly thumping heartbeat



huge white words flash on screen: Have You Ever Wondered



What It Would Be Like



If You Could



Be



A









Monkey?







cue lame background music- dun dun dun





*narrator: "well today, one man has that opportunity. and he’s not going to let it go to waste"





MIRAMAX PICTURES IN ASSOCIATION WITH HERSHEY’S CORPORATION PRESENTS



THE ONE COMEDY THAT YOU MUST SEE THIS YEAR



wait approximately 5 seconds







MONKEY COCK: THE JIM CARREY STORY



STARRING: JIM CARREY







WRITTEN, DIRECTED, AND PRODUCED BY: RON JEREMY







AND INTRODUCING: JAYCEE CHAN AS THE STEREOTYPICAL SILLY CHINESE GUY











IN THEATERS EVERYWHERE 2014



















no one under the age of 72 will be admitted without parental permission


#2

;DThat was friggin hilarious.



Heres my super cliche script for One Shitty Day



Man walking down the street in winter.



Narrator Jim’s life was going great. He had everthing a man could want. Until one day it all changed.



Man walking down street says, "God damn car."



Jim in office with hot chick. Hot chick kisses Jim. A woman walks in the door. Jim turns and sees her. "Amanda! It’s not what you think. She runs out.



Outside on the sidewalk. Amanda to Jim "We’re over."



Jim walking down street. Old beggar grabs Jim. Pulls him close and looks in his eyes.

Old Beggar say to Jim, "You are the one."



Jim standing with gun in living room. Window in house shatters. Vampire comes through. Jim turns and points gun at vampire. "Die you undead scumbag if that is possible."



Mummy chases Jim down a long corridor. "Stupid 2000 year old Egyptian curse."



Shot of dragon unfurling itself surrounded by fire infront of Jim whose clothes are ripped and blood stained. "This day just keeps getting worst."



Jim on phone in front of nuclear device with 2 minutes counting down. "Theres 3 different green wires which one am i suppose to cut. What do you mean guess."



Narrator Coming this christmas from the people who brought you Armageddon. Get ready for

ONE SHITTY DAY

Starring Ben Affleck, Tim Curry as Undead Scumbag, Denise Richards as Amanda and featuring James Cromwell as the President.


#3

Hahahaahaha!



Sounds like a Masterpiece!


#4

EXT. LA STREET-NIGHT



A high-speed police pursuit rips through downtown Los Angeles. Bullets fly between a beat up car full of gangsters and a cop played by SEAN PENN.



NARRATOR

Detective Russel Fletcher thought he had seen it all. every day, he wondered if he would end up dead.



Penn’s car flips over a pothole and explodes.



CUT TO BLACK



NARRATOR

But what if he wound up undead?



INT. LAPD OFFICE-DAY



ZOMBIE sean penn, in full uniform, hobbles through the door.



Meet Zombie Cop, the newest fear for crime.



INT. COMMISIONER’S OFFICE-DAY



The commisioner, played of course by a flustered-looking CEDRIC THE ENTERTAINER, is yelling at Zombie cop.



COMMISIONER

Dammit, Zombie Cop, we have regulations, and you broke all of them with that stunt in the LA river (Author’s note to hollywood: We fucking get it, it would be cool to see a car roll on the LA river really fast. STOP SHOWING US. Sorry…)! Give me your badge!



Zombie Cop holds out his badge. The commisioner takes it…as well as his whole arm.



INT. CAR-DAY



Zombie Cop is sitting next to Jackie Chan.



NARRATOR

FEaturing Jackie Chan as Zombie Cops’ eccentric partner.



JACKIE

In China we-OH MY GOD!



Zombie Cop starts eating Jackie’s throat.



TBC


#5

have you noticed how many trailers say (in a loud deep voice) “one man”? It annoys me!


#6

did you notice that its all the same narrator? that fucker’s rich as shit



annywayz















INT. OFFICE - MORNING



FLOYD is sitting behind his desk working like a madman



FLOYD:



Get me those files on Carter, Kelly!



NARRATOR:



FLOYD is 25-year old stockbroker who lives a luxurious life filled with happyness, love and money



CUT TO BLACK



TRUMPETS!



NARRATOR:



But not today he ain’t!!



INT. FIELD - NOON



CUT TO FLOYD’s HEAD STUCK IN A HORSE’s ASS WITH A GUY SMOKING A CIG NEXT TO HIM



FLOYD:

(screaming)



Theres no gold in here, you fucker!!



GUY:



I said there’s gold in cash, not the horse’s ass!!



NARRATOR:



Because even for the most succesfull rich kids…



INT. OFFICE - MORNING



FLOYD:

(on the phone)



What do you mean i’m charged with childmolesting of 6 babies and a german sheperd??



NARRATOR:



… things can go wrong!!



THE GUY THAT WAS SMOKING BEFORE IS ON THE OTHER END OF THE LINE LAUGHING LIKE A MADMAN



GUY:

(on the phone)



That’s right! We got the evidence right here! There’s no way back Floyd Johnson!



CUT TO BLACK



SOUND OF DIAL TONE



CUT TO



INT. OFFICE - MORNING



FLOYD IS HANGING HIMSELF WITH HIS BELT



GUY:

(on the phone, listening to the dialtone)



euhm, hello?



CUT TO



FLOYD STRUGGLING FOR BREATH



NARRATOR:



From New Line Cinema comes a movie wich will make you laugh…



CUT TO



INT. FIELD - NOON



THE HORSE FROM BEFORE FARTS AND SHOOTS FLOYD OUT OF HIS ASS LIKE 10 FEET IN THE AIR



GUY:



Whoa! that must be a record!



NARRATOR:



Cry…



CUT TO



INT. OFFICE - MORNING



BUNCH OF OFFICE WORKERS LOOKING AT THE HANGING CORPSE OF FLOYD



SECRETARY:

(wishpering)



I heard it had something to do with child molestation



NARRATOR:



And scare the crap out of you!



CUT TO



OFFICE WORKER THROWING PENS AND AT A DEAD FLOYD



GUY IN SUIT:



PEODOPHILE, ROT IN HELL!!



CUT TO BLACK



NARRATOR:



“FLOYD’s DAY AT THE OFFICE” SEE IT NOW!!!



CUT TO



INT. FIELD - NOON



A HORSE FARTS





the end


#7

That’s not autobiographical by any chance, is it?


#8

:’(


#9

BLACK SCREEN



NARRATOR

It happens every day



EXT. BUSY HIGHWAY TRAFFIC - NIGHT



Sounds of traffic passing by, lights moving so fast they form one continuous line.



NARRATOR

On every street corner in the city



EXT. CITY STREET CORNER - NIGHT



Busy street corner with store windows lit and women walking back and forth in front of the stores. Cars drive by, some of them stop and the girls run up to them. A few hop into the cars.



CLOSE UP: FOUR PROSTITUTES STANDING ON THE CORNER



A blonde, a brunette, a transvestite and a mouse brown haired prostitue work the corner. The Blonde, Brunette and Transvestite pace back and forth, while the Brown haired one stands still.



NARRATOR

Women of the Night!



BLONDE HAIR

(to Brown hair)

Hey, you haven’t moved all night, you alright?



BROWN HAIR

Yeah



TRANSVESTITE

You got cramps?



BROWN HAIR

No



BRUNETTE

Hey, you ain’t done no business either.

You’re pimps gonna kick your ass.



The three prostitues laugh. BROWN HAIR doesn’t laugh.



BLONDE HAIR

Damn it’s cold out here, let’s go get some coffee.



TRANSVESTITE

Yeah, it’s a slow night anywho.

(to BROWN HAIR)

You commin’



BROWN HAIR

No, I’ll just stand here.



BRUNETTE

Whatever



The three prostitutes walk away.



CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON FACE OF BROWN HAIR



BROWN HAIR looks disgusted.



Words flash on screen as NARRATOR says them.



NARRATOR

WOMAN WITH SHIT IN HER PANTS.



EXT. STREET CORNER - DAY



Brown hair standing on same street corner with same disgusted look on her face.



NARRATOR

She’s standing there for a reason.





DIRECTED BY – JOHN WOO



BROWN HAIR - MEG RYAN

BLONDE HAIR - PAULA POUNDSTONE

TRANSVESTITE - TOM CRUISE

BRUNETTE- JENNIFER ANISTON



WRITTEN BY - THE COHEN BROTHERS


#10

[code]BLACK SCREEN

                               NARRATOR
                     Coming Christmas 2005!

           Clip of Rob Schnieder in Deuce Bigalow

                               NARRATOR (cont'd)
                     First he was a hooker

           Clip of Rob Schneider in The Animal

                               NARRATOR (cont'd)
                     Then he was a Jackass, I mean
                     Donkey among other animals! 

           Clip of Rob Schnieder in The Hot Chick

                               NARRATOR (cont'd)
                     And Christmas last year he became a
                     really really hot chick! 

           TITTLE CARD: 

           THIS SUMMER ROB SCHNEIDER WILL BECOME

                               ADAM SANDLER
                     A GAY MUMMY FROM THE YEAR 3007 AD
                     WHO HAS TRAVELED TO THE FUTURE SO
                     HE CAN FIND HIS REAL FATHER.



           EXT. CITY STREET - AFTERNOON

           Rob Schneider as the Gay Mummy is walking down the street,
           funky music plays, he passes by a hot guy and slaps his ass,
           the mummy turns around and winks making a face at the hot guy
           as a centipede crawls out of his nose and into his ear. The
           hot guy runs away with his arms in the air and his scream as
           loud as a spaceship taking off. 

                               NARRATOR
                     But there is only one problem. His
                     father is...



           INT. LABRATORY - NIGHT

           A scientist holding a bucket of semen yells to the mummy...

                               SCIENTIST
                     SANTA CLAUS! 

                               ROB SCHNIEDER
                         (dumb and gay [as usual]
                     SANTA. CLAUS.? 

                               SCIENTIST
                     You must travel to the North Pole
                     immediately!



           EXT. NIGHT SKY - NIGHT

           Rob Schneider is ridding on a small airplane looking over the
           beautiful earth. 

                               NARRATOR
                     But he'll meet many evildoers on
                     the way!

           A pirate ship pulls up next to the airplane and mini aborted
           fetus's began eating the airplane.

                               ROB SCHNIEDER
                     Aborted Fetus's oh no! 

                               NARRATOR
                     But that's not all. 



           EXT. NORTH POLE - DAY

           A nuclear power plant is located next to Santa's Workshop.
           Evil mutated elfs attack Rob Schneider, extreme action music
           begins. 

           TITLE CARD:

           THIS CHRISTMAS

           Clip of the Mummy french kissing a super hot chick. 

           TITTLE CARD:

           CHOOSE

           Clip of the Mummy fighting the elfs, he kicks one square in
           the nuts. 

           TITTLE CARD:

           YOUR

           Clip of Santa shooting a gun at Satan

           TITLE CARD:

           DESTINY

           Various Clips of The Mummy fighting the elves. The aborted
           fetuses, Satan, The Mummy doing A backflip onto a moving
           truck, a fat chick farting, the mummy saying "You Can Do
           it!", the hot chick the mummy was kisSing earlier about to
           have her head chopped off and the mummy taking a dump. 

                               ROB SCHNIEDER
                     Privacy. Please. TANK YOU. 

MUSIC ENDS. TRAILER CREDITS PLAY
[/code]


#11

NARRATOR - But that’s not all.



I’ll have to use that some day. :smiley:


#12

You’ve seen him in action…



quick 2 second clip of swords clanging against each other



You’ve seen him save the world…



fucking fast ass montage of so much random shit that you have no idea what’s going on at all, but there’s cool sounding techno music in the background so it’s all good



Now, get ready…



To see…





HIS EVERDAY ROUTINES!





Wesley Snipes in a film written and directed by Slyvester Stallone:





BLADE 4: SWEATIN’ THE SMALL STUFF





cue hazy shot of sun rising through the window



shot of Wesley Snipes as Blade half naked in his bed



"Good thing this is my day off.“



Blade takes off sunglasses, looks directly at the camera, and says



"I was born a dancer, motherfucker”





(back to Narrator)





And for the first time, you will see him…





AT THE DISCO! :smiley:



insert random shots from Saturday Night Fever with Wesley Snipes’ head digitally inserted over Travolta’s body



BLADE 4: SWEATIN’ THE SMALL STUFF









"I just wanna be free!"







not coming soon to a theater near you


#13

Narrator:He was considered crazy.

Inspector:Nick your a loose cannon.

Nick: I am just doing my job.

Inspector:I have to give you a parter.

Narrator:How about me.

Inspector:Yeah

Nick:This sound like a line from a bad movie.

Narrator:Sadly it is.



Buddy Cops in Funkytown 2:Electric buggalo