The Quentin Tarantino Archives logo

"The Diner"


#1

Here’s a little short thing I wrote, basically this is me writing with absolutly no plot. I didn’t have a clue what to write about when I did this, all I knew was too start it off with a dude sitting at a diner. And here’s what I came up with as I came along. It’s quiet short, like to hear your feedback and suggestions.



Int. Diner (Morning)



A MAN, sits alone at a table. A lit half-smoked cigarette in one hand,

a cup of coffee in another. The MAN puffs his cigarette, and sips his

coffee, as he stares at something OC.



A WAITRESS, walks into frame, and the MAN draws his attention

to her. She pours some more coffee in his cup, and looks at the MAN.



WAITRESS

Sorry, sir. No smoking.



The MAN’s eyes widen, he points to his cigarette and shrugs.



WAITRESS

I’d appreciate it, if you put it

out.



The MAN shrugs again, and turns, looking back OC. He takes

another puff of his cigarette.



WAITRESS

Sir! I’d really like you to put that out

before I call the manager.



The MAN looks over at her, he reaches his cigarette out to her. As

if asking if she wanted a puff. The WAITRESS does a growl and

walks from the frame. The MAN once again shrugs, and turns

his head back, looking at OC. The MAN sips his coffee and takes

another puff of his cigarette.



The MAN is looking at a black cat, outside the diner. The cat is licking

a stuffed toy rabbit, that’s lying on the sidewalk, stareing at the MAN. The

MAN takes another puff of his cigarette as he observes some more.



The MAN stands up and sees the WAITRESS, talking to the manager

looking disgusted.



MAN

Psst!.. Psst!.. Psst!..



The WAITRESS turns around, seeing the MAN knocking on his cup,

as if asking for some more coffee. The WAITRESS now looks even more

disgusted. She pokes another WAITRESS, and asks her to go see the

MAN. The SECOND WAITRESS nods and walks over to the MAN.

The MAN grins, and sits back down, puffs his cigarette, and looks back

at the cat.



The SECOND WAITRESS, walks over and looks down at the MAN’s

coffee.



SECOND WAITRESS

Uhh… sir, your cup is still pretty

full, do you want me to refill it

anyways?





The MAN turns to her, and nods smiling. He turns back to the

cat. The SECOND WAITRESS, fills up his coffee and looks back

up at the MAN.



SECOND WAITRESS

Have you been here before?..

Sir… Sir!..



The MAN turns to the SECOND WAITRESS, he stares

at her blankly.



SECOND WAITRESS (sighs)

Oh never mind… By the way, could you

put out that cigarette? Smoking’s banned

here.



The MAN nods, and the SECOND WAITRESS walks away.

The MAN turns his eyes back to the cat, and takes another

puff of his cigarette.



The cat takes a few more licks on the stuffed rabbit, and then walks

away from the window. The MAN continues looking anyways, he

wasn’t interested in the cat but the substance.



Suddenly the SECOND WAITRESS walks back in, standing right

in the MAN’s view. The MAN moves his head back and forth, trying

to look at the rabbit.



SECOND WAITRESS

I have seen you here before! You come

in here, everyday don’t you? I know, cause

you always sit at this table, and your always

looking at that teddy thing outside.



The MAN moves his hand forward, trying to push the SECOND

WAITRESS out of the way. The SECOND WAITRESS, slowly

turns and moves out of the MAN’s view.



SECOND WAITRESS

Oh sorry. I didn’t relize I was

in your way.



The MAN takes another puff of his cigarette.



Hey! You didn’t put that thing

out like I told you!



The first WAITRESS, walks back in and pushes the SECOND WAITRESS

out of the way.



WAITRESS

The manager said he’s gonna kick you

out sir, if you don’t put that cigarette

out NOW.



The MAN sips his coffee, and takes yet another puff.



WAITRESS!

SIR!.. (sighs) BOB!

GET IN HERE!



The MANAGER (BOB) walks into frame, looking at the

MAN. The MAN still watches the rabbit. Suddenly a JANITOR

comes by and picks up the rabbit. He looks down at it and shrugs,

the JANITOR puts the rabbit in his garbage bag and walks on.



BOB (OC)

Sir, my employee’s have been quiet

kind to you, and they’ve asked you

nicely… to remove the cigarette from

your mouth, and put it out. And from

what they’re telling me, you haven’t

done neither of those two simple things.



The MAN sighs, puts the cigarette in his mouth and begins to puff as he

looks down at his watch. It reads “2:22” The MAN pulls the cigarette out

of his mouth, and stands up. He sips his coffee and takes a final puff of his cigarette.

He pulls out a notebook and writes something quickly.



BOB (cont’d)

Now, I don’t have as much patience as

these ladies so I’m gonna ask you once

to put out the cig–



The MAN walks past BOB. BOB turns seeing the MAN walk out of the

restaurant and leave.



BOB (beat)

What the hell was that?



The clock on the wall, reads 2:22. Suddenly the hands start spinning wildly, until it reaches

2:00 twice, the second time it stops.



Suddenly the MAN walks back at the same table. He rests a cup of coffee on the table.

He reaches into his jacket, and pulls out a cigarette, he lights it and puffs. He stares

once again at something OC. In which he takes a few more sips of his coffee.



The cat is licking the SAME rabbit, which is once again in it’s exact position, looking back

at the MAN. The WAITRESS from before, walks up to him, and fills up his coffee, she

looks up at him smoking his cigarette.



WAITRESS

Sorry sir, no smoking.



The MAN continues watching the rabbit.



WAITRESS

I’d appreciate if you put it out.



The clock on the wall reads 2:02.



Dissolve to:



The clock reads 2:22.



The JANITOR walks by, and picks up the rabbit, shrugs and puts

it in his garbage bag. He then walks off. BOB, and both WAITRESS’s surround

him, in their exact some position as before.



The MAN looks down at his notebook, and writes:



Day 21: The waitress told me to put out the cigarette. The second

waitress came, and said she reconized me, then the manager came

and the rabbit was taken away by the janitor, who looked like

he had never seen it before. None of the employee’s remember me from

yesterday.



BOB (cont’d)

Sir, my employee’s have been quiet

kind to you, and they’ve asked you

nicely… to remove the cigarette from

your mouth, and put it out. And from

what they’re telling me, you haven’t

done neither of those two simple things.



The MAN flips through the pages of his notebook, it’s the same information

written over and over, except the day is changed. The MAN shakes his head,

and stands up, and walks away, interupting BOB, with his same speech.



Fade to black.


#2

That was a trip.


#3

[quote=“Duncanature”]
That was a trip.
[/quote]

Does that mean it was good?


#4

I liked it. Though there are few things to remark on.

[quote]The MAN continues looking anyways, he

wasn’t interested in the cat but the substance.
[/quote]

  1. The only time you need (or should) capitalize character’s name in description is when introducing them the first time. (But always capitalized when they’re saying something.)


  2. Do not tell, show. The part that I bolded is in no way available to show to viewer. Maybe perhaps in some way how the man looks outside, but then you should tell how the man looked, not what’s going on his mind.



    But yeah I liked it. You may want to write a second draft of it and add something to it, maybe few other clock references.

#5

[quote=“CopperHead”]
Does that mean it was good?
[/quote]

Yes.


#6

that was different. one of the best things i’ve read around here.


#7

like a dark Groundhog day… enjoyed it, an i never normally read till the end. Thumbs up!


#8

I liked it - think you got the start of something really good. Would like to read some more!


#9

it was good dude i liked it.


#10

You should jot a few more ideas down and keep goin’ with it.


#11

Instead of saying “the man” all the time use “he”. Your description and dialogue nedd some workin’.


#12

I liked it. A loop of events. I agree. Show, don’t tell.


#13

[quote=“roulette67”]
I liked it. A loop of events. I agree. Show, don’t tell.
[/quote]Johny Exhale told me you were dead. Good to see you alive!


#14

Exhale thinks everyone’s dead.