A tiny unfinished portion of the start of the movie, i’ve never written a script before so don’t expect too much-
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FADE IN; INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
We see a woman (AIMEE) sitting at a table in a restaurant, we only see half of the table though, and the camera holds this position for the whole scene. There is a man opposite AIMEE but he is out of frame. AIMEE and her table are in black and white; everything else is in full colour.
MAN (OFF SCREEN)
So, do we have a deal?
AIMEE takes a long puff from her cigarette before answering.
AIMEE
Sure.
MAN (OS)
Good, how much?
AIMEE takes another long puff on her cigarette.
AIMEE
Whatever you wanna pay.
Pause, we get the feeling there is some kind of tension between them both. AIMEE blinks and her eyes are in colour (blue) when she opens them. A waiter walks up and stands beside their table, we only see his lower half because of the camera height.
WAITER
Can I get you anything?
MAN (OS)
No thank-you.
The waiter leaves.
There is another pause.
MAN (OS)
You know red really isn’t your colour Aimee.
Her dress suddenly becomes coloured, it is blood red.
AIMEE
Maybe that’s symbolic.
MAN (OS)
Considering a change in career?
AIMEE is silent.
MAN (OS)
I could make it happen you know.
AIMEE (WITH AN AIR OF SARCASM)
The jobs fine, I get to go out and meet nice interesting people…then brutally murder them.
MAN (OS)
I never imagined Woody Allan would be so popular with someone like you.
AIMEE
Just because I kill for money doesn’t mean I don’t laugh sometimes, you might be into that tough-heartless-bastard act but I’m not.
Another pause.
MAN (OS)
£500,000?
AIMEE
Just make sure it’s there on time.
She gets up to leave.
MAN (OS)
What guarantee do we have that you’ll do the job?
She stops and thinks for a second.
AIMEE
Guess you’re just gonna have to trust me aren’t you.
MAN(OS)
Forgive me, but you people don’t have a reputation of being trustworthy. Infact you’re well known for being very good liars.
AIMEE
Us people? We’re only here because of you.
MAN (OS)
Like I said, if you wanna change in career…
AIMEE
Just put the 500,000 in my bank in the next 48 hours. You do that and i’d kill my own mother for you.
MAN (OS)
I’d still want a guarantee.
AIMEE
Like what?
MAN (OS)
We put the full 500,000 in your bank, but, if you withdraw any more than 250,000 before the contract is completed, we kill you.
AIMEE
Such a pleasure risking my life for you.
MAN (OS)
Get some rest Aimee.
She walks out.
FADE TO BLACK
FADE IN; INT. MEETING ROOM - DAY
Writing appears on the bottom of the screen- “Unknown location- Japan.� In the meeting room are 3 men; Directors Wei, Shuziko and Kiryamai, they are seated with important documents in front of them, the room is completely white (by natural colour not editing), the Generals clothes however are a royal blue.
WEI
It’s a fucking disgrace! Twenty years I’ve been through, twenty years of hell all so you can throw this shit in my face every month!
KIRYAMAI
General Wei, calm yourself! This is a slight problem and nothing more, we shall deal
with it.
WEI
Deal with it? Of course you’ll fucking deal with it! Or you’ll have me to answer to!
SHUZIKO
Your threats mean nothing in here Wei and you know it, The Trident has run into bigger problems than this in the past and every time we have overcome them because we are a strong force. If we feel that you are threatening that force it will be you who has us to answer to!
Wei, tries to think of a reply but can’t, he slams his fist on the table in anger.
WEI
So what so you intend we do?!
SHUZIKO
Tomorrow, we fly to America and we find Mr. Awmids and we show him what happens to those who mess with The Tridents affairs.
KIRYAMAI
And where do we find this Awmids?
CUT STRAIGHT TO: INT. AIMEES HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Aimee is on her mobile (cell) phone.
AIMEE
A computer convention?! I’ll stand out like a sore thumb!
CUT TO: INT. SPANISH MANSION BEDROOM - NIGHT
The camera pans around the bedroom to show a sleeping guard on the bed, on the pillow next to him is a Mac 11 pistol. It is the dead of night and all is silent. AIMEE narrates.
AIMEE (V.O)
This man is Pablo Banigio. A half Spanish, half Italian man who wishes he was more important than he actually is. He’ll take any job where he gets to hold a gun and playing a security guard at this home is gonna give him just that opportunity. Unfortunately, what he doesn’t realise is that the simple sight of a gun isn’t enough to scare some people.
There is a knock at the bedroom window. Pablo jumps up from bed and grabs his Mac 11, waving it around wildly before realising what happened. He gets up from bed and walks slowly over to the window, peering out he sees nothing. He turns towards the door but before he can get there we hear 3 quiet shots from a silenced pistol and the holes they make in the window. Pablo falls to the floor with 3 bullet holes in his back, we can’t tell if he’s dead or not.
CUT BACK TO: THE WINDOW.
It swings open and a man jumps through holding a silenced pistol. The action freezes and Aimee’s voice is heard again.
AIMEE (V.O)
This man is Benico Diablo. The most respected and feared Hitman in Barcelona, he has a reputation for being a sadist though that’s not quite true. He just likes to see the bad guy meet with a bad end.
The scene unfreezes and BENICO stands up, he steps over PABLO’s body and exits the room. The camera follows him into the corridor. Benico walks down the corridor, as he does so he checks all the rooms and shoots anyone inside, the camera remains focused on him form the corridor as he does this. He eventually reaches two large double doors. The entrance the master bedroom, he reaches out to the handle but before he can open it. BANG. We hear a shotgun discharge form inside and then a short burst of fire from a Mac 11. Benico turns round and we can see bullet holes in his back, however there is no blood- he has a bulletproof vest underneath. We also see Pablo lying on the floor; he was the shooter of the Mac 11. Benico raises his pistol and fires a shot between Pablo’s eyes. Pablo drops dead, he then turns to open the double doors but a shotgun blast sends him flying backwards, as he falls he fires towards the door with his pistol. He hits the floor and everything is silent.
FADE OUT
there to many beginner mistakes to go through so i suggest you go down to your local library, borrow out all the screenwriting books there is and read them ;D
that’s what everyone should do before they try to start a script.
oh and be more original that whole sin city thing, maybe if you wrote and made this script two years ago it would be alright.
now here’s some advice i say to everyone:
think originally, visually and you can say more without saying anything at all (this makes the audience think and not be told what to think)
and here’s some advice that everyone says:
show, don’t tell
oh and don’t write camera shot’s in your script, but you’ll soon learn all the tricks of the trade after you go down to the library.
on the other hand it’s pretty good for your first attempt at a script.
PS. you don’t have to take my advice seriously, i’m a 15 year old nobody.
well i think its bloody fantastic
dialogue
the way he sed things and it happened (it was abit sin cityish tho)
It’s a great set up. A great character and the start of a good story. I tend to prefer that people stay away from too many Tarantino touches in their screenplays. I know we are all here to praise his holy name, but originality is the key.
I do like the idea of Aimee starting out in BW. That would be interesting. She seems like a ‘real’ enough character to handle such an exposure.
Overall, it’s got promise. Take care of your formatting problems. Remember, your audience isn’t reading the screenplay. You have to show them, in action or dialogue what you want to convey.
The script was awesome and I would love for you to collabrate with me on an Amine script and I want you because I think that you will make the perfect addition on my collabration