INT. VAN (PARKED) - DAY
Larry and Nicky get in the back. Slim sits techie and
pulls a fifth out from inside his jacket. He takes a
couple swigs.
GERRY
How’s it tasting?
SLIM
Oh, fuck me…
He grimaces.
GERRY
(laughing)
You got those percs?
Slim nods, still grimacing. Gerry takes out ten dollars
and they exchange with each other.
SLIM
Wash it down with this.
Gerry pops the percs, grabs the fifth and gulps it down.
His face contorts, disgustingly.
GERRY
Jesus - fuck… you know what?
Jack Palance died two weeks ago.
SLIM
Get out, really? I don’t believe
it.
GERRY
Jack Palance died. How can Jack
Palance die?
NICKY
Fucking young guns got him.
LARRY
(holding up
index finger)
Do you know what the secret of life
is? This. One thing. Just one
thing. You stick to that and the
rest don’t mean shit.
They laugh.
SLIM
I’m so hungry I could eat the ass
end out of a dead rhino.
LARRY
You know the way you cut your meat
reflects the way you live?
NICKY
What the fuck?
SLIM
I could go for a two ton cheese
steak.
GERRY
You know what, that sounds pretty
fucking delicious right now.
He revs up the engine and the van jerks forward.
AGAINST BLACK, TITLE CARD:
"ALL DUE RESPECT"
FADE IN:
INT. VAN (PARKED) - NIGHT
Gerry sits snorting cocaine off the wheel, tilting head
back, closing eyes, taking in the euphoric pleasure.
The radio blares rap (preferably a 50 diss by The Game).
EXT. KINDERGARDEN BUILDING - NIGHT
Nicky, Slim, Larry, Ashley & LOCK (18) are boozing, the
cases set aside near Gerry’s van. Lock smokes a gotti
blunt.
NICKY
Lock…
LOCK
Yeah.
NICKY
Answer this question for me.
LOCK
What?
NICKY
If you could have the hottest girl
in the world – for a life time –
would you suck off a horse’s dick?
ASHLEY
(repulsed)
Eww, what the hell?
SLIM
We have to talk about this again?
ASHLEY
I know, really.
NICKY
I just wanna see what Lock has to
say. We was talkin about this
today.
LARRY
Nicky said he’d do it.
LOCK
Well, Nicky’s a lil virus-breeding
faggot.
NICKY
It could be any girl you want, J Lo,
Jessica Alba, Jenna Jameson, whoever.
You’d be with her forever, whatever
money she makes, you get. You’d be
a millionaire.
LOCK
No.
SLIM
Thank you.
NICKY
How bout you, Ash? Would you do
it for the hottest guy in the
world?
ASHLEY
That’s a sick question, you are a
sick fuck - and I’m not that sick
that I’m gonna answer it.
She walks to the van, gets in, and rolls down the window.
INT. VAN
Nicky comes over.
NICKY
Gerry, can I ask you a question?
GERRY
Fire away.
NICKY
Would you suck off a horse cock to
to have the most beautiful girl in
the world for a life time?
Gerry lights a cigarette.
GERRY
I don’t gotta suck no horse cock to
get the most beautiful girl in the
world. I already have her. Right
here.
He pats Ashley’s leg and takes a drag.
ASHLEY
(beaming)
Aww, that’s so sweet.
She gives Nicky a dirty look, then rolls up the window.
ASHLEY
Beat it.
GERRY
That kid’s head is a cess pool.
ASHLEY
But you’re too sweet.
She turns down the volume of the music.
EXT. KINDERGARDEN BUILDING
Lock is mid-chant.
LOCK
Fuck, fuck, fuck, mother-mother
fuck, mother-mother fuck-fuck.
Mother-fuck, mother-fuck, mother-
fuck, noinch, noinch, noinch,
smoking weed, smoking weed, doing
coke, drinking beers, beers, beers!
Who smokes the blunts? We smoke
the blunts! Where’s that from,
boys?
SLIM
JAY AND SILENT BOB.
LOCK
That’s right. Fifteen bucks, lil
man. Put that shit in my hand.
Larry starts beatboxing.
LOCK
If the money does not show, then
you owe-me-owe-me-owe!
Nicky cuts him off, beginning to rap to Larry’s beat.
NICKY
You better take heed while I step
and bring these/blow me like a
spring breeze while I spread like
cream cheese
INT. VAN
NICKY (OS)
(muffled)
/in the zone to get with any chick
I please/except for Gerry’s girl cuz
I don’t want no STD’s
ASHLEY
(disgusted)
Oh my God, did you hear that?
Gerry roars with laughter.
EXT. KINDERGARDEN BUILDING
NICKY
/diseases spread and Gerry’s the
cause of all of it/herpes on his
tonsils cause he loves to swallow
jizz/Slim you come correct and your
rhymes have none to check/but if I
could take one sec to point out you
are ugly none-the-less/you loveless
just like Xena in real life/cause
wearin spandex is the only time you
feel tight/creatin buzz with these
lines/spittin somethin I can sell/
these emcees are either shook, or
they frontin like Pharell/it ain’t
hard to tell I spit more bars than
a cell/punches scorched, and leave
you burned in lyrical hell/Gerry,
I hate to state your name again/
you didn’t pass English til you
took a position in front of Mr.
Nejman.
The music in the van booms louder, drowning out Nicky.
