[quote=“Dantes Inferno”]
I thought it was pretty good. Could maybe use a little slower pacing. And Mark seems to be talking alot for a guy being bitten in the neck, yeah. And Henry seems to forget about the crashed car pretty fast. If the TV hadn’t been muted, you could use the news-lady as a distraction to make him forget about the car.
If it looks like my post points out more negative points than positive ones, doesn’t mean I found more negative than positive. It was very good. The script that is, not my post.
[/quote]
Yeah, the pacing thing was intentional but it isn’t quite where I want it yet. This starts
at like page fifteen of the entire script and everything before that is just Henry and Mark
trying to pick up two chicks at the local bar. What I was going for is a very slow/normal
opening scene and have Henry wake up to something that was the complete opposite.
It’s just not very fluid yet, especially in those first few paragraphs.
As far as forgetting the crash is concerned he doesn’t really forget it. There’s just nothing
he can do about it. He tried to call 911 but the phones didn’t work, and he saw the cops
get out of the car so he knows they’re fine so he decides to see if he can get any info from
the TV.
I have no idea what to do with Mark. I really want him to be able to explain how he got bit
and that he killed the girl who bit him but I totally agree with everyone else that he’s talking
too much. I just gotta find away to get it all out in less words, I guess. I suppose that’s why
they call it a rough draft though.
Thanks for the tips, everyone, I really appreciate it.