…Fat Boy Teddy reaches into the back of his car where we see hes got a huge box of Hershey bars. He turns around to grab one and then tears it open and starts eating.
Fat Boy Teddys cellphone rings and he answers it, we see his mouth is covered in chocolate. He looks like the kid in Friday The 13th Pt 5.
Fat Boy Teddy: JELLO?!!..I cant hear you!! Im listening to Phast Phreddies Back to The 80s!!..Ok! Hold on!
(He turns the radio down, his chubby fingers are covered in melted chocolate and it gets all over the tuning button)
Fat Boy: WHAT?!! OH NO!! Does Daddy know?!..Well, Im gonna get down there right now! Yeah! Im headin to the rendevous point now! Where else would I go?!
CUT TO: Fat Boy Teddy at Big Kahuna Burger
Fat Boy Teddy: …And I’ll have a Don Ho Burger with everything, a Maui Wowie shake and some Poi Fries…and a Pineapple Pie…
CUT TO:
Big Kahuna Burger clerk typing up order. We see on the computer the price is up to 250.00.
CUT BACK TO WAREHOUSE:
(We hear Taco’s 80s hit “Puttin On The Ritz” playing on Phast Phreddies Back To the 80s radio show in the warehouse)
Mr Periwinkle in stall still going to the bathroom. Hes done and he goes to wipe his ass but when he pulls on the toilet paper roll, all thats left is a half a sheet.
Mr Periwinkle: Oh SHIT no.
CUT TO: Outside commode in Warehouse room.
We see Mr Maroon and Mr Lime are sitting on some boxes playing jacks. Both are smoking Red Apples.
CUT BACK TO:
Mr Periwinkle looking around stall. We get the feeling his ass is very dirty and he has nothing to wipe with. He gets up and opens the stall door and peeks his head out. He looks around the bathroom and he sees nothing to use to wipe. Not even that brown shit thats in school bathrooms.
Mr Maroon: Hey Periwinkle!! YOU DONE YET?!!
Cut To:
Mr Periwinkle: GUYS! I GOT A PROBLEM!
Cut To:
Mr Lime: WIPE AND FLUSH!!
Mr Perwinkle: THERES NO…TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!
Mr Lime: SHIT.
Mr Maroon: Literally…We…go find somethin for him.
Mr Lime: Why do I always gotta go?
Mr Maroon: Whiny bi- You wanna flip for it?
Mr Lime: I call heads!
Mr Maroon sighs and flips coin. It comes up heads.
Mr Lime: Goddamnit.
Mr Maroon: Hurry up, we gotta keep on our toes.
Mr Lime: Be right back.
Mr Maroon: PERIWINKLE! MR LIMES GOIN TO LOOK FOR SOME SHIT PAPER! JUST BE COOL!
CUT TO Bathroom.
We hear a frustrated banging in the stall. BANG BANG BANG
Mr Periwinkle: I AM cool.
CUT TO:
Mr Lime looking in spare room. He looks through the junk in the room, diff pieces of crap, he opens a door, flips a light switch and we see he sees something that registers and then picks it up.
Mr Lime walks back into warehouse room holding a roll of paper.
Mr Maroon: Good work Limey.
Mr Lime: Um, We got a little problem.
Mr Maroon: What fuckin problem? You got the paper right? things are hunky dorey now.
Mr Lime: This isnt toilet paper.
Mr Maroon: Well then what the fuck is it?
Mr Lime: SAND paper.
Mr Maroon: you gotta be fuckin…SANDPAPER?!!
Mr Lime: Shhhh!
Mr Maroon (lowered voice): He cant use that shit.
Mr Lime: This is all there is.
Mr Maroon: Ok, Well, you break the bad news to him.
Mr Lime: Hey I FOUND the shit, YOU go tell him. You guys are friends anyways.
Mr Maroon: Gimme that!
Mr Maroon grabs the sandpaper from Mr Lime.
CUT TO Bathroom.
The door creaks open.
Mr Periwinkle: Guys?!
Mr Maroon: Yeah kid, its me.
Mr Perwinkle: Maroon? Whew! Oh man, I thought you guys split for a minute.
Mr Maroon: No, we’re here…Look, uh, kid, we got something for ya but…
Mr Perwinkle: Great! Throw it in here!
Mr Maroon: Well, its not…its…sandpaper.
Mr Perwinkle: Quit fuckin around! Cmon I gotta get outta here.
Mr Maroon: No, really, this shit is sandpaper, its all Mr Lime could find.
Silence.
CUT TO OUTSIDE BATHROOM.
Mr Lime is at the bathroom door, both his hands are covering his mouth, hes trying not to burst out laughing.
FADE TO BLACK.
TITLE CARD: MR PERIWINKLE
CUT TO:
INT- Roy Rogers Restaraunt
Mr Perwinkle walks in the door. Hes dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and jeans. He doesnt look like a cop at all.
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