I would agree with the statement about too many references about weather. Cut maybe one or two statements of talking to himself. You have to keep the statement of “Come on Greg”. It introduces us to greg and lets us know he’s waiting for him.
The idea of getting into the wrong car is excellent. I was reading and thinking, wouldn’t it be cool if he got in the wrong car. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. You forgot to mention, how he got out of the car. he see’s what’s in the car and next thing you know, he’s running.
Yes, there are dead ends in the city. That’s where they sell drugs and shoot up. They are created just for that purpose. Along with gun fights.
The rooftop would be better without the vomit. You could have him wait and watch the ladder after looking for a pipe. He could walk over to take a peek to see if someone is coming up the ladder and zap!
Just a sugestion. I like what you’ve written. Don’t tear it down like that, it has lots of promise.
