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#1

84.INT. CELLAR – CONTINUOUS They descend slowly from the wooden staircase. DAVID Why are you afraid of rats? They’re just walking furballs. Nothing more. CRAIG Wrong my friend. Rats are disgusting, plague-ridden sons of bitches that dwell in shitty water. In fact, rats shouldn’t even be in this [cent fucking world, they have no purpose to co-exist with humanity. Makes me squirm just thinking about those nasty fucks – WE HEAR AN EERIE GROAN, a deep, low sound of misery. DAVID Shhh! – Someone’s down here. Off the staircase, they see the cellar in complete disarray. The place faintly lit by a lantern. In a darkened corner lurks a shadow hunched over the ground on all fours, facing the wall. It catches their attention. The shadow feeds on something, as a soft splashing noises emits from it. IT STOPS. The shadow rises slowly, it looks over its shoulder – – partial light uncovers its partly torn face, that exposes too many teeth on the side of its mouth. Both Dave and Craig are speechless, they move towards the staircase, still looking on. . . The shadow picks up an item from the floor – A rusted machete – its scrawny hand clutches the handle tightly. CU- Shadow’s eyes. They shift into a glowing white. Craig and Dave move up the staircase, deeply petrified. CUT TO: 85.INT. BACKROOM/GAS STATION – CONTINUOUS David shuts the trap door as Craig exit’s the backroom. David, about to exit the backroom – Craig moves back, collides with him. Looming over the doorway is THE WOMAN CORPSE, she has on a white, blood-stained dress. Her misshapen head lolls back and to the side, cruelly exposing the mauled flesh of her throat. She stares ominously with her white glowing eyes – A DARK LIQUID PURGES FROM HER MOUTH – it lands on Craig’s leg – he screams in pain. CRAIG Ah!, fuck! The black liquid eats through his clothes and flesh. The woman corpse closes in – she opens her mouth widely, part of her jaw unhinges. David sees this – reaches for the revolver in his jacket. . .


#2

Not bad. Just work on your spaces so it isn’t so complicated. You don’t really need to have it spaced out.



The zombie acid shit scaring through peoples clothes is cool.


#3

115.INT. ATTIC - NIGHT Jeff closes the trap door as Shirley and the rest settle inside. DAVID’S POV - He finds the attic’s window broken, freezing rain cascades on the inside. He moves in closer where he finds . . . DOZENS OF CROWS CLUSTERED ON SOMETHING. They croak and peck. David charges at them - The crows flap around the attic, some exit through the broken window as they shriek in protest. Everyone hits the floor as frenzied crows flutter over them. The little girl begins to weep Incessantly, scared out of her mind. SHIRLEY (hollering over the strident cawing) Don’t cry, don’t cry! Nothing’s gonna happen to you, I promise! The crows begin to exit imperceptibly through the broken attic window. The loud cawing begins to subside. David rises, appalled. David ambles slowly towards A MANGLED CORPSE, most of its skin has been ravaged by crows. He draws back and regurgitates in disgust. The low chiming of a bell - everyone gazes around them - until. . . CU- a silver collar with a small bell, the name of : “Tinkerbelle� etched on it. A SMALL CAT, ITS WHITE FUR DRENCHED IN BLOOD. It stands over a heap of old wooden crates, a few inches away from Dave. The cat purrs tenderly, then licks some of the blood from its paw. The cat leaps cunningly - Dave ducks. SHIRLEY Get away from it! David looks around the wooden crates where he picks up a led pipe. He clutches both his hands tightly, ready to swing away. It shakes itself from the floor, its claws drawn out. Its gleaming eyes directed on David. DAVID Easy, easy, easy. It leaps at him again. Led pipe ready, he swings away . . . catches nothing but thin air. RIP - Led pipe falls, a stream of blood pours on the wooden floor. David holds his shoulder as small amounts of blood seeps from it, he recovers quickly and picks up the led pipe. Tinkerbelle adapts attack mode - she leaps once more . . . PING Tinkerbelle smashes against the wall, her tiny little skull fragmented into a zillion pieces.


#4

animals can’t be Zombies. stop going for that new wave bullshit with fast Zombies and shit. if you want something different change the story. do something different than a survival movie (use your brain). other than the animal it seems to be written pretty good but you need help with dialogue.

[quote=“Snake Charmer”]
SHIRLEY

(hollering over the strident cawing)

Don’t cry, don’t cry! Nothing’s gonna happen to you, I promise!                                             ÂÂ
[/quote]

this sounds so midday movie. and when you paste your script try to format it better so it’s easier to read, like this^ kinda


#5

[quote=“Rambler666”]
animals can’t be Zombies. stop going for that new wave bullshit with fast Zombies and shit. if you want something different change the story. do something different than a survival movie (use your brain). other than the animal it seems to be written pretty good but you need help with dialogue.
[/quote]zombie animals are badassssss - :wink:


#6

no there not, you don’t want your movie to turn out like Resident evil (the movie that is)



and remember the rule for Zombie flicks, never make your characters say “zombie” but you probally already knew that


#7

I love Resident Evil (the videogames) - I think it would be cool to meld Romero with Resident Evil concepts.


#8

what would be cool but not that exciting if they made a zombie film where humans learned to live there everyday life around zombies


#9

??? What are you talking about? In Land Of The Dead people ignored the zombies, they learned to live with them by fencing themselves inside a gate-community. And it wasen’t until Riley realized that the zombies were getting smarter, they became a bigger threat.


#10

oh yeah that’s right, whoops :-[ i just forget about movies that aren’t that good



well what’s your movie actually about


#11

It has a revenge theme which is the actual “inciting incident”. As in Kill Bill, where “The Bride” journeys to seek revenge. And that certain revenge turns many people into mutated ghouls NOT zombies…


#12

like a guy hates the world so he create something to turn everyone into “ghouls” i don’t know, maybe you could give a little more info


#13

Well thats the back story. All the action stems from my lead character who is a CIA covert operative (espionage Agent). And throughout the entire screenplay the motives behind this certain assault on an American Embassy is explained. I have my second draft screenplay “Dark Silence” finished. But I can’t seem to post it. Word Doc aren’t compatible with the forum regulations.


#14

seems big budget

are you writing it because you feel like it or are you going to try and make it


#15

I don’t stand a chance. I write for fun.


#16

120.INT./EXT. GREER’S SUV/ALLEYWAY - NIGHT                                                                            AGENT GREER                              (in radio)                                    They’re all over town, its been overrun.                      Gather all units possible, and move quickly,                          we’re running low on time.                                                                             COMMAND POST (O.S. RADIO FILTER)           I copy that. Be careful out there.                                                                  Travis emerges from the vehicle, M8 AR in the ready. He moves to the tailgate, where he acquires some flare sticks. He proceeds towards the darkened alleyway.                                                                FIRST flare stick on. . .                                                                              The darkened alleyway, now partially illuminated reveals. . .                                                               A DOZEN OF MUTATED GHOULS, looking on, ready to feast on fresh meat -                                                                                AGENT GREER                         Oh, no.                                                                                  SWISH - the sound of rushing air coming down at him.                                                                   He motions the flare stick above him. . .                                                                    A mutated ghoul in mid-air, its long scrawny arm about to swipe at him. . .                                                                                        He drops. Flare stick drops as well. With cunning maneuverability, he unsheathes his machete and strikes the ghoul once - CUTTING ITS BODY IN HALF.                                                                                     The half-mutated ghoul squirms, its upper half still aware, still alive. It begins to slither towards him.                                                                                                              PRRRRRT - M8 AR roaring, bullets turning the half ghoul’s head into mush.                                                                                      DOZENS OF WHITE GLEAMING EYES, glimmer through the darkness, moving apace. He sheathes his machete and picks up his flare stick. Diminutive light reveal their hideous, rotten complexion emerging from the darkness. He fires his M8 AR - PRRRRRT PRRRRRT                                                          It slows them down but recover quickly. They begin to move more intense. Exasperated.                                                                                  Agent Greer retreats, he sprint towards his SUV and climbs on the vehicle’s rooftop where he fires at the incoming horde of ghouls.                                                                                                     One of them howls angrily - the sound echoing throughout the ambiance. THEY STOP MOVING.                                                                                                                         EERIE SILENCE FAR AND WIDE.                                                                              Then. . .more distanced eerie howls, growing and growing.                             ÂÂ


#17

Agent Greer looks about him, he sees them sprinting on all sides. A horde of about a hundred begin to encircle the vehicle. He begins to scrutinize the frenzied multitude of ghouls. A multitude of decayed arms stretch out over the rooftop, wanting to rip off a chunk of flesh. He draws back, firing his M8 AR - hands and arms are devoured. THUMP - He turns. A ghoul leaps out and tackles him. They begin to tussle. He snaps back the creature by delivering a kick to its chest, it falls back with the swarming horde. He rises, reaches into his vest where he takes hold of a WP GRENADE, he snaps back the pin and launches it onto the phalanx of rotted ghouls. KABOOM! He recoils at the sound of the massive explosion. Rotted limbs and body parts soar afire into the air. Dozens drop dead as flummoxed ghouls abscond into the empty streets. Yet a few linger, craving, persistent. He reaches for his vest, lights up another flare stick as he quickly descends from the vehicle’s rooftop. He fires his rifle in controlled bursts as he sprints towards Langley’s wrecked SUV. SPLAT! SPLAT! - heads are blown off within every burst. Some pursue from behind him, gaining quickly. AGENTGREER Come and get some you sons of bitches! He turns and mows down the remaining festering ghouls. He comes upon the SUVs mangled tailgate, he carefully enters. 121.INT.AGENT LANGLEY’S SUV - CONTINUOUS ACTION He sets his M8 down as he crosses to the backseat where he sees- A DEAD TEENAGE CORPSE. . . Its eyes open with such quickness; still alive, hungry. He retreats back, the teenage ghoul grasps onto his leg, its nails trying to squeeze through the military boots. He squirms, unable to free himself. He reaches for his holster, and takes hold of his P226. He summons all his leg strength, and hoists the dead creature upwards. BLAM! - A single shot blasts through its head.


#18

Awesome, keep it up dude. But i’d use less “big words” when describing an action sequence if I were you. IMHO…bye


#19

[quote=“Biohazard”]
YOU ARE A SCREENWRITING GOD, SNAKE CHARMER!
[/quote]

hehe not really, but it was pretty fucking good! :slight_smile:



Also, it needs more cowbell…