First… just some notes while reading…
the argument between the man and Tony needs some work. I can’t see him saying dude, unless it was sarcastically. I see too much ‘goodfellas’ in that scene.
having Frank come out and blatantly say ‘clean this city up’ is a bit much. break it up. maybe have him say he feels he has unfinished buisness. and the other guy questions that and ends up saying something like ‘so, what are you gonna do, clean up this town?’ or something like that.
instead of saying conclusion, find some other way of saying children are our future. that whole paragraph sounds like an essay, not natural.
I like Tony, but he reads like a cartoon. not truly psychotic. watch some old gangster movies. like kiss of death. that’s the element you’re looking for, less stereotype. more psycho. remember, he’s a person first, then a psycho who just happends to be italian-american.
Frank is complex, a little too complex. bring it on a little more subtle. sometimes you can say alot more with less. choose your words with him carefully. he talks in essays. save the long speeches for critical moments. not for every conversation.
As for Robert… you’ve got him pegged. good job here. interesting character, good dialogue, i wanna know more about him. very good job.
You’ve got a good story forming. Especially with Robert. Franks story is a good one, but he seems so obsessed, which could work for you. or not. he seems so obsessed, he’s destined for a fall. maybe he needs to tone things down or a slap of reality should be introduced about the balance of good and evil. Tony needs more psycho and less stereotype/cartoon. like i said, rent some black and white old ganster flicks. bogart/cagney/whitmark/palance. all of them at one time played a great psycho gangster. without the stereotype.
you can keep some of the italian flair, but in doses. right now, he looks like a watered down Joe Pesci.
Your story is good. Your writing is good. Your characters just need some work.