Ok, so I’m spilling my guts here, but I really need completely objective points of view in order to base a decision.
I started my daughter a facebook page a week or so ago. She’s been doing great on it, taking care of all her own stuff and everything. But yesterday, her father friend requested her. I was sitting beside her when she clicked the notification and I watched the color leave her face when she realized who it was…
Four and a half years ago, her father stole her while she was visiting my parents. He told them that I said it was ok with me if he picked up my daughter. She was 3 then. I didn’t give any sort of consent for him to take her, and they didn’t bother to check with me.
See, he met this chick on the internet and married her as soon as he got back from Iraq. He told her what a horrible person I was, and what a great but tortured father he was, and they decided to nab her and file for custody. Seeing as we never had an “official” custody agreement before, it was technically legal for him to do so. Nevermind the fact that he NEVER sent her a card or gift or shit for her birthdays or Christmases, and never cared to see my daughter again after we broke up.
He wouldn’t let me, or any of my family see or talk to my daughter. He filed for custody, I went to the court, which was 160 miles away from my home, and I fought for her. He had to go back to Iraq for a year during the case, so the judge gave my parents temporary custody. I took care of her the whole time though.
When he came back from Iraq, we never heard from him again. His “now”
ex-wife called and said that she was sorry she ever believed him (I forgot to mention that he lied about everything he ever told me - college-football-parents-fiance-etc.), and that she hoped everything worked out cos she was leaving him. I set court date after court date, and went all the way there to court over and over, and he never showed. So the judge gave me full custody. I would have won anyway. I had a perfect case built.
Anyway, now that I started my daughter a facebook account, he friend requested her. I didn’t even know he had a facebook. She got so scared that he would come and steal her again that she went around and locked the doors and now she won’t sleep in her own bedroom. She’s totally fucked-up by this. She denied the friend request, obviously, but she’s freaked. I didn’t mention that he touched her inappropriately while he had her either. But he did. And she remembers. He didn’t get convicted cos she told me, my mom, and my friends about it, but wouldn’t say a word to the police. She was so young, she was scared.
But, do you guys think I should contact him now that I know he’s on facebook, and sort of try to extend an olive branch? He only has supervised visitation from the court, and he’s living like a thousand miles away now. You think if I let her talk to him, maybe she’d quit being so scared of him? I mean, he’d never be around her alone. But he did do some bad shit, and I don’t want to give my daughter the idea that I’d ever let something like that happen again.
Fuck, is it better just to cut him off and let her live in this fear, or to let her get to know him a bit? He did bad shit. But maybe not knowing him makes her fear him even more. I just don’t know. I’m very confused.