Title:Eternal Damnation Lead Character:Debbin Hoff LOG LINE: A disenchanted bank teller (Debbin) is lost in life unable to decide fate. He is stained from a horrowing past that leads him to a road of depression and drug abuse.His only confidant is (Cynthia Lofton) a great friend.Along his path of pessimism he finds a long lost friend (Ralph).Now that’s were the shit begins;plot point 1…its a drama/caper
Wrong place to post this buddy, go 2 the Screenwriting section, wait for CPS or someone 2 move your topic. Post announcements about Tarantino.info here, not about a screenplay your writing.
ETERNAL DAMNATION (EXCERPT) FADE TO: Sc.1.EXT.HOFF RESIDENCE,FRONTYARD.AFTERNOON. Heavy commotion stirs in the quiet neighborhood. We hear the authorative voice of many POLICEMEN and the frantic cries of a woman. OVER THE SHOULDER CU- On Scott Hoff,39. He trains a 38. snubby to a young Debbin Hoff,nine years old. In the far proximity is Debbin’s mother,SOFIE,32. SOFIE (SOBING UNCONTROLLABLY) NO,DON’T HURT HIM ! OH GOD, Debbin! POLICEMAN (HANDGUN TRAINED ON SCOTT) [left PUT THE GUN DOWN! Scott looks about him delirious…his vision becomes blurred.Tears pour down his cheeks.He stares at Sofie with sadness and contempt. He mutters the words: SCOTT How could you do this to me… The 38. snubby is aimed towards Sofie - - that is were the officers take their shot. Scott is shot in the head,Debbin falls along his deceased father…he is smothered with his father’s blood.The sounds of this horrific scene begins to fade…a white screen is set. SMASH CUT TO: 2.INT.DEBBIN’S APARTMENT.LATE MORNING. DEBBIN awakens from this traumatising nightmare…he gazes around his shitty apartment frightened…we see his few belongings in disarrayand cans of bere.He looks at the clock 10:45…WELL,IT AINT DONE,THIS IS MY FIRST DRAFT SO…
Pretty good, just fix the spelling mistakes.