Real constructive post you got there Biohazard…I’m sure Dolnar will get a LOAD of mileage out of it…
Read the story, liked it, had some really nice characters and situations but like roulette said, its gotta be in some kind of script form. Don’t worry too much about the EXACT DETAILS of the format, just change the current layout into something you (or someone else lol) could actually film.
At the moment its a cool short (?) story, you’re obviously a talented writer- use that talent to wow people with a punchy, well thought out script.
Great stuff though man.
And once you’re done send it out- I mean here is a good place to get feedback and what not, but actually send that script out to studios, set up meetings, present your story. Get people listening. But to do this it has to have SOME sort of script format. Go to it buddy! 
