The Quentin Tarantino Archives logo

Dead of Winter


#1

I wouldn’t normally do this, but I like the way the screenplay is turning out so far and I would like to share it here; just to tease those interested. I just started writing it about 30 minutes ago and I’d like to give you guys a little taste of how the movie starts off.



Keep in mind: The opening of the movie and the entire first scene takes place with only one steady camera shot as each group pass by.



Fade In:



1 EXT. FIELD OUTSIDE OF WOODS – MORNING 1



Thick fog rises from the cold dead earth. Silence. Not a sound. Day is just beginning to break as dawn peers over the landscape. An eerie gust of wind rolls by. Cold isolation.



A very subtle breathing begins to pick up. Very hushed. It grows stronger as more breathing begins to combine with it. Now, the breathing is becoming louder. Closer. A group of MEN eventually rush past. The group appeared to be running away from something. They also appeared to be very exhausted. The heavy breathing becomes softer and softer to a silence as they continue to run away.



Silence. Not a sound.



A few moments of silence pass. Everything is still. A soft sound is heard. A slight groan a little later. Very faint. Other sounds begin to pick up as well. Now the sounds turn into what seems to be soft footsteps. Now a combination of off-key footsteps. The sounds now become a lot more powerful as if grouped together in a tight pack. Close now. A MASS of rotten, decayed, decrepit, and inferior walk pass. The dead army hobbles by. Not a handsome member in the bunch. Each with their own flaw and deformation. The swarm continues to drag by. It could almost appear to be the size of a population of a small town. Just like watching a train roll by. Wondering when the last cart will finally mark the end of the line. Finally, after many horrible passing images of walking dead, the throng finally ceases to a close. The sounds of groans and footsteps becomes softer and softer to a silence as they continue to stagger away.



Silence. Not a sound.


#2

thats brilliant. it says its foggy, but as i read it i imagined the ground to be covered in snow… dunno if thats a good idea but i dont think ive ever seen a zombie film in the snow, and how cool would that look? all the grim dead colours of winter and the dark warm red of blood… lovely :slight_smile:


#3

The idea has been brought up to film the movie in snow…but I’m don’t think we’re going to do that. Plus, you don’t see too much snow in Alabama…


#4

Thats true Im sure you could put something out that looked like snow.


#5

It’s really well written but way too wordy. It’s almost like a novel.

Try breaking up your paragraphs a bit more and cut out anything

you don’t absolutley need. Basically just work on describing things

quickly.


#6

yeah thats right. and i mean, you dont need the snow… its just how i imagined it when i read it.



i dont know what the rest of the film is about but i think you should keep it, yknow, sort of small… dont try and compare it to or compete with any of the zombie films youve seen before, and if you do - you should keep it night of the living dead-y. if you know what i mean?



and dexpac - thaduke - im sorry about my previous posts. honestly. i still think that many posts are over-the-top enthusiastic and it DOES annoy me when people post ideas for films that i think are just too unrealistic, but i dont mean any harm, and ive figured the best way to show contructive critism is to actually give it, rather than just rant about people who dont.



im gonna post a new thread about it and hopefully i will be forgiven and welcomed back.



even if i did tell you all to fuck off. ::slight_smile:


#7

Cool. Glad you decided to stay.


#8

[quote=“DexPac”]
It’s really well written but way too wordy. It’s almost like a novel.

Try breaking up your paragraphs a bit more and cut out anything

you don’t absolutley need. Basically just work on describing things

quickly.

[/quote]

I do notice that about my writing. It’s weird, but it seems that I can’t help myself but to keep on describing and describing and describing…and describing…



I know that I’m just writing for a screenplay, but I also want the reader to be able to “see” the movie without ever having to watch it. It would kill me for anyone NOT to understand what I’m writing about.



It’s just like how Johnny_Destiny imagined snow without me ever mentioning snow. With descriptions, people see more than what is presented to them.


#9

Yeah, I get what you’re saying but you can be just as descriptive

with less words. All the short sentences kind of kill any chance of it

it being a fluid read. For example"

[quote]The heavy breathing becomes softer and softer to a silence as they continue to run away.



Silence. Not a sound.



A few moments of silence pass.[/quote]

You told us it was silent four times in four sentences. It’s just those

little things that can really help tighten your script. Even if you’re writing

it to make yourself it’s easier on the actors if it reads fast and fluid.


#10

[quote=“DexPac”]
Yeah, I get what you’re saying but you can be just as descriptive

with less words. All the short sentences kind of kill any chance of it

it being a fluid read. For example"



You told us it was silent four times in four sentences. It’s just those

little things that can really help tighten your script. Even if you’re writing

it to make yourself it’s easier on the actors if it reads fast and fluid.
[/quote]
buy a thesaurus. if your limited vocabulary is a problem, go to school.


#11

Well, vocabulary isn’t really the issue. If he found four different words

for silence he’d still be telling us it’s silent four times in a row.


#12

yeah man, thats true… but i have that problem sometimes as well… if you like writing its hard not to but you really should try. like dexpac says, even if its a movie youre making yourself, its a lot easier to reads for the actors. and also its hard to judge how long your film will be if most of your script is describing things. the basic rule is (and this isnt ALWAYS the case, but it pretty much should be) that 1 page of script equals 1 minute of screen time. it helps with shooting, editing and everything if you have at least a rough guide as to how long the piece is gonna be.



i still think its good though. and not just the writing. i think itd be a really cool opening scene for a zombie flick. keep it up and keep us posted.


#13

You better not do it in winter! I wanna be the first. Of course they aren’t really zombies, but nanoid vampires in my film, that play second fiddle to the battle between an android and Rasputin. Off Point.



Anyway I like how you write it in novel form. Makes a better experience. The use of repetition reminds me of Pahlniuk.


#14

Thanks for the tips, guys. I’ll take it all into consideration.


#15

[quote]the basic rule is (and this isnt ALWAYS the case, but it pretty much should be) that 1 page of script equals 1 minute of screen time.[/quote]

Yeah, another good rule to follow is that your action paragraphs shouldn’t

be longer than 4 or 5 sentences.



Are you writing the whole thing yourself now?


#16

I am writing it myself.


#17

yea its good, but i hate to say this but it is way to descriptice i get the point of it now move on no reason to spend more time to get ur point across.


#18

Hey I really liked it man. Sure its descriptive, but you can really envision whats going on- I’m guilty of that too lol.



Write what you like in this first stage I reckon- feel the need to tighten it up later? Do so, but at this early stage, yeah just go with the flow.



Good luck with the rest of the script!


#19

writing very descriptivly works extremley well in most cases espcially with scripts, stories etc. And when you actually come to shooting it you dont always have to remember what you were thinking when you wrote because all the fine details are there on the script


#20

Having a good plan always leads to good results. Whatever you are doing, have a very descriptive plan (script) to go by. If you don’t, it will be very easy to stray from your goal.