[quote=“Dex”]
Since English isn’t you’re language I won’t harp too much on the spelling and grammar but there was too big chunks of dialogue on page 1 where you kept using “somewhat” when I assume you meant “someone”.
Despite the language barrier I think was able to follow along alright. The problem was there really wasn’t anything to follow along with. It’s just a random conversation that doesn’t really tell us anything about the characters apart from the fact that they’re low-level criminals and one was in Sweden for awhile.
There’s also too many blocks of dialogue with no descriptions. You should never have a full page that’s nothing but dialogue unless that dialogue’s very, very good and very, very interesting. Try and make the conversation a little more visual with little descriptions of what the characters are doing so it doesn’t feel like their just standing around talking. Even just adjusting the mirror or letting out a sigh can spark visual images in the readers head that makes things way more engaging.
One last thing. Your “After a Minute and a Half Later” should be a superimposition not a subtitle and it should be done like this:
SUPERIMPOSE: "A Minute and a Half Later"
Then you fade in on your next scene.
Hope I helped.
[/quote]
Yeah, with that I was just trying to practice my dialogue writing, nothing big relevant to the story. This is my first time I write a script so first I just practice writing stuff and when I progress enough I may write seriously.
And thanks Dex for your tips, I will keep those in my mind as I write next time. 