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26 things the movies taught us - film clichées


#1

1. Large, loft style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people whether they are employed or not.



2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.



3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.



4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.



5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts; your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one dancing around in a threatening manner until you knocked out their predecessors.



6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.



7. If you are a blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.



8. Honest and hardworking policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.



9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.



10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.



11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.



12. It’s easy for anyone to land a plane, provided there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.



13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off even while scuba diving.



14. You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.



15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.



16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.



17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.



18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.



19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noise in their most revealing underwear.



20. Word processors never display a cursor on the screen but will always say: "Enter password now."



21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.



22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readout’s so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.



23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.



24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.



25. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is the total opposite.



26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.








Read it on a german site.

Some more?


#2

haha


#3

27. no matter what, the badguys never notice the good guy reaching for his gun


#4

[quote=“CPS”]


5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts; your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one dancing around in a threatening manner until you knocked out their predecessors.

[/quote]

Kill Bill anyone?



Yes Claudia, give us some more


#5

[quote=“CPS”]


16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.[/i]
[/quote]
as can the empire state building be seen from any window in New York. ;D


#6

My Fav:
[quote=“CPS”]


5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts; your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one dancing around in a threatening manner until you knocked out their predecessors.



Some more?
[/quote]

definetley ;D


#7

The good guys are only ever wounded by a gunshot in the arm, meaning that they can still fight and will have to remove their shirt.


#8

17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.





hahahaha


#9

Black people are bullet resistant.


#10

Italians only wear suits and eat strictly Italian food


#11

If someone accidently runs on a girl, they will fall in love that moment.

If the cool movie character has to swim, he will do it in a PERFECT style even if the distance is only 2 meters (Vertigo).


#12

[quote=“CPS”]


6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.

11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

25. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is the total opposite.

26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

[/quote]

Those are my favorites. I also happened to notice most of them , especially 26, 11, and 10.



Every horror movie that has come out since The Ring must conatain a villian that is a child, a child that likes to draw disturbing images, and a single/concerned parent



^ You guys notice that too?


#13

Here is what I have learned.



If you try to find the ghost it will just be the cat or your husband, who is an evil murdering bastard.



If it is your cat and it starts hissing get the fuck out of there.



Don’t cross the street with your baby cart.



If you are about to get married do not enter any rooms alone with another woman.



Ammo isn’t necassary unless it is.



Men have 2 foot cocks and thus can have sex whether their midsection is at a womens stomach or between their knees.


#14

Hahaha it’s so true.



American cops are supposed to be funny

Every president of a eastern Europe or asian country is a sadistic dictator and needs to be killed


#15

People only take showers at night when they are all alone



Asian men don’t have sex



Musicians always carry a guitar on their back, no matter where they are going, no matter what instrument they play



german, swedish, russian, hungarian & bulgarian are all the same language



theres a hotdog stand outside of every courtroom


#16

Shakespeare, though he may have been a homo, was more of a gentleman than most modern movie directors. He didn’t have actresses pulling off their clothes and being rubbed up against by the likes of Deniro and Hawke. He wouldn’t have asked Chloe to fellate some dude for the sake of some idiot-nonsavant’s idea of a new wave in cinema based on the simple fact that Paris Hilton published a sex tape. However, Shakespeare might have asked Nicole Kidman to pretend she was giving head to a handful of elderberries like she did in Dogville. That’s possible, but maybe not probable in the age of the extreme closeup.



Actors and actresses, for the most part, are hollow.


#17

Courtesy of Kim Newman -


  • Any character played by William H. Macy will be a loser
  • Any wife played by Joan Allen will be unfulfilled
  • Any teenager played by Jake Gyllenhaal will be troubled
  • Any whale played by Willy will be freed


  • Zombies are dead, rotting, reanimated corpses - but no-one ever complains that they smell absolutely revolting


  • Supposedly prefessional monster-hunters still refer to Frankenstein’s Monster as “Frankenstein”




  • All action movie stars will eventually make a film about cloning, parallel worlds, long-lost twins or shapeshifting aliens so they can fight themselves…


  • The same rule does not apply to porn stars, fortunately




  • When huge, unstoppable psychopaths kill trim, athletic guys, it is obligatory that they pick them up by the throat and hold them against the wall. This way the victim’s feet can be seen kicking frantically in mid-air




  • When witches are burnt at the stake, they invariably have enough puff to intone a lengthy curse on their accusers and their descendants…


  • No-one ever thinks to gag the sorcerous beldame to prevent her uttering it in the first place




  • Anyone born with a surname like Doom, Dread, Evil, Blood or Skull will either succeed to a title like Count or Baron or earn an academic qualification like Doctor or Professor…


  • And furthermore, will pursue a career in master villainy




  • Never trust a hunchback in any activity involving brain-snatching or the supervision of just-created monsters


  • A good guy’s revolver will always hold 500 per cent more ammunition than the average villain’s AK-47




  • A great man who devotes his life to a single enterprise is obliged to have three tiresome arguments with a wife who thinks he’s neglecting his family…


  • He will then get on with the business we paid our money to see




  • A candle dropped on a flagstone floor will usually go out, except in the last five minutes of a Gothic horror movie…


  • In which case it’ll start a blaze that destroys an edifice the size of the Tower Of London in about 50 seconds




  • Even explicit sex scenes that are supposed to represent fantastic and mtually ecstatic lovemaking rarely clockmore than a minute-and-a-half of screen time - which barely rate as a pathetic quickie for the average person




  • If an ex-girlfriend is leaving the country, it is mandatory to rush to the airport to beg her to stay…


  • None of the other passengers mind being delayed when she changes her mind and her bags have to be taken off the plane




  • When massacring a Shaolin temple, warlords always leave the most promising pupil alive to take revenge…


  • And the evil warlord’s minions always hae more trouble with this one badass than they did with all 350 of his just-as-skilled mates




  • Pirates always burry their treasure and never spend it


  • Bandit chiefs always tell small Mexican villages when they’ll be back, but never show up a bit early so that the peasants don’t have time to hire mercenaries

#18

all phone numbers start with 555.



high heeled women can battle just as effectively as ones wearing sneakers…right



Remember when all women who ran in the woods fell and the monster/bad guy got them. Ha ha that was so funny.


#19

A cop must visit at least one striptease club in order to solve a crime.



Computers are destroyed by smashing the monitor.



You can’t wound yourself jumping through windows.



Coughing is the best way to show that you have a deadly disease.


#20

Thought this site would be quite fitting here…

http://www.filmcliches.com/