What’s up peoples! The other night I was at my buddies place and we were talking a lot about funny drunk moments. For a guy like me, who gets drunk at least once every weekend, this kinda shit is ridiculously funny to talk about. Being drunk is fun and we know the consequences of drinking too much. My drunken moments range from sticking my head in a toilet to writing my girlfriends name all over myself in scented markers. Being that this is Hanzo’s Bar, I feel it’s a necessity to start a topic about Funny Drunk Moments. About yourself and your friends. Now of course there’s far too many moments to list, but here’s my favorites…
New Years Eve 2003. By far the funniest New Years I’ve ever experienced. I was at my friends party and it was a great night. Everyone was fucked outta their skulls. So anyway, here I am, talking casually to some people on the couch and my buddy Ryan is hopping up and down in the laundry room. By himself. Up and down up and down up and down…at the same time yelling, very loudly, “I’m fucking drunk! I’m fucking drunk! I’m fucking drunk!” And this went on for 10 minutes at least before I even noticed him.
I was at a bush party last summer and before it started getting really crouded me and a few buddies were doing beer bong hits. My buddy Mike got way too fucking drunk for his own good. Anyway, the party had started and I was just hanging around, talking, drinking, whatever, and Mike would keep disappearing and then showing up 20 mins to hours later. We’d be hanging around and I’d go to one of my friends and ask “Where’s Mike???” No one knew. But then he’d just show up an hour later like nothing happened. The same thing happened again. He’d be behind me or in a group talking and then he’d just disappear. “Where the fuck is Mike now???” 20 mins later he’d just appear. So finally my girlfriend (at the time) asked him where he had kept disappearing to. It turns out the dumb fucker kept going into the woods to take a piss but everytime he’d get lost cuz he was too drunk to remember where he came in.
You know when you’re so drunk sometimes you start to lose feeling in your hands and in your face? Well I was at a party a couple winters ago and me and my buddy Jordan were already at that point of drunkeness. We were in the living room arguing about what Taco sauce is made out of and I thought it would be a good idea (me being drunk) to slap him across the face. He laughed immediately and slapped me back. I slapped him back, we laughed, he slapped me back, we laughed, and this went on for about 2 mins.ÂÂ
At another bar, already drunk as fuck, I thought it would be funny to jump on a table and impersonate a monkey. The impression lasted about 2 mins before a bouncer pulled me off and kicked me out. Fun at the time but resulted in a very lonely night (being that it was very early).
My funniest drinking story had to be two summers ago at a camp out / beach party. Everyone there was super hammered including myself, and we were just having a good time. It was late at night when some guy who other people knew showed up on his motorcyle (or dirt bike i was to drunk to remember) with a box of fire works. We decided to light them up, so this guy goes and starts lighting them up by this cliff, just cuz it looks super cool. Then, My drunken friend Andrew decides he wants to light this giant fucking firework, and despite the fact that hes drunk out of his mind, no one notices or stops him. All of a sudden these giant white spark balls start shotting out in every direction, and basically scare the crap out of everyone. Andrew, the drunken idiot, had put the firecracker in the ground upside down. A couple peole bolt and try to get away from the shooting fire mass, but then the rocket takes off and hammers my friend justin in the back, as hes trying to take off. His jacket catches on fire, and so hes rolling on the ground trying to get it out, and everyone is laughing uncontrolobly. He was fine, but his jacket was a little less then ok.
I pressed and spread my ass against a window of a fancy 5 star resaurant once…
Me and some friends got so drunk a few years ago and my firned had to take a piss. So he went to some bushes, took out his weener and started to pee. But he was away for a pretty long time so I went down there to take a look. Lol, he was laying down in a corner with his dick out of his pants…he pissed while he was sitting, he peed all over his sweater LOL.
lol, i finished half a bottle of johny walker and puked all over my friend’s house about a year ago, including his walls and shit, i got the fuck out of there concidering his parents were coming in 15 minutes
haha, funny shit. Well just last night I wen’t to the club and I got a little too drunk. I was pretty okay for most of the night- just being stupid and loud and retarded. Then on our way home my girlfriend, her friend and one of my buddies stopped at Perkins for food. I wen’t in (and I was still drunk and obnoxious) and I passed a few guys sitting at a table. To me, I’m sorry, they looked like a bunch of geeks. Like seriously. So naturally as I’m walking by I say to them, very loudly, “Hey!!! Chess club right?!” and my girlfriends friend slapped me in the back of the head and we kept walking. And then later while at the table, I was wearing Sean Paul type glasses and I had taken them off to eat. I put them right in front of me and then after I finished I was like “Where the fuck are my glasses?! Did you guys fuckn take them!? Where the fuck are they!?! You bastards!!!” I was searching through my girlfriends purse and they were laughing their assess off -then I finally saw them in front of me. Fuck I’m a dumb drunk. But good times.
This is happened last summer and was told by my present girlfriend and her friend. About me. I do recall a few moments but that’s all. Ok. It was originally planned to be a guys night out at the clubs. A bunch of us met at my buddy Mike’s (drunk pisser) place to pregame. I made the mistake of not eating anything prior to drinking. I bought three king cans of Kokanee (I think) and a small bottle of whiskey. So we’re sitting in his basement drinking and being roudy, I pound my beers in less than 10 mins. No joke. In king can’s I think it’s the equivalent of two and a half beers (correct me if im wrong) so that was like seven beers already, on an empty stomach, and I’m a bitch with alcohol (low tolerance). Our DD drives to Tijuana’s (name of the club) and we’re all already completely fucked outta our minds. We get into Tijuana’s and we do a shot of tequila. Now I was already at the FUN point of being drunk. There’s three points of drunkeness; 1: Happy Drunk (Loud, Funny, Hyper, Havin a good time), 2: Quiet drunk (Concentrates on something the whole night and only speaks when spoken to) and 3: The worst kind of drunk you can get; Over Dose. You’re seeing doubles, your head is spinning, can’t keep your eyes open, can’t keep em closed. It’s a preview of how bad your hangover is gonna be. Now, by having that shot of tequila I entered the O.D zone. But it usually doesn’t hit you till about half an hour after that last drink. I get a phone call from my girlfriend who’s going to another club. I try to persuade her to come to Tijuana’s (I was drunk and I wanted my girlfriend) but she and her friends don’t want to. But she tells me they’ll come pick me up and take me to the club they’re going to. She says to me “Meet us at the Toys R Us” The Toys R Us is 2 mins away from Tijuana’s. I reply “NO! I have a better idea! I’ll meet you at Toys R Us!” I hang up and I tell my buddy Tim that I’m pussywhipped and I gotta go and to tell the others. I run, immediately, across the street towards the Home Depot. But the Toys R Us was actually behind me. I stop on the small path leading to the Depot parking lot and realize that I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing and where the fuck I am. I run back to where I saw a home and garden clerk and ask him “Where’s the Toys R Us? I’m from America!” I live in Canada by the way. He points me in the right direction and I continue to the TRU. Fast forward --> I’m in the car with my girlfriend and a few of her friends and we turn a corner - I fall. I fall to the side of the car and I don’t get back up. I’m no longer happy drunk. I’m O.D’d like a mofo. I say look i’m not feeling well take me home. My girlfriend, god bless her, decides to stay with me and look after me (after she found out how friggn juiced I was) and tells her friends to just come into my place until I’m passed out. My parents go to our cottage in the summer so they weren’t home. After a very long attempt, helping me walk to my house, she tells her friends to just take off. We’re inside and I’m totally helpless. My girl helps me take my shoes off. So I sit on the staircase inside and she takes one shoe off. Neither of us saying a word. The second shoe comes off and I go BOOM. Fall flat on my face, passed out, drunk. To make an extremely long story (sorry) short, the rest of the night consisted of me telling her incomprehensibly to break up with me, that she deserved better, and that my head hurt. In case you’re wondering, I’m still with my girlfriend and we love eachother more than anything and we’re engaged to be engaged!
haha…funny stories. i wonder if i’ve seen you around sidewinder, i used to go to Tijuanas all the time. I’ve got tons of stories, most of which would take too long to tell. But i’ve got one friend who doesn’t drink often, but when he drinks he drinks HARD. A couple years ago we were out at a bush party (i’m originally from a small town) and he sent someone off with his car back to town to get more beer. On the way back the guy who was driving (who was sober) wasn’t paying attention and rolled the car around a tight corner…when he got back to the party and told my friend, who was incredibly, incredibly drunk, that his car was wrecked, he took off into the forest. After four hours of searching to no avail, we ended up calling the police and fire department to look for him. 3 hours later, (7 hours alone in the forest) he stumbles out into the farmyard, acting like nothing happened.
A year later I saw this guy take a few shots of Everclear (90 proof alcohol) and he woke up with his head in a litter box and his pants around his ankles
one time we were drinking at my cousins house, and we were pretty drunk, my cousin passedd out early. but later he got up, turned around and started pissing on his bed. no joke. i asked him what the fuck he was doing and he just turned around and said "its all good. his friend on the top bunk woke up and shouted “What the fuck are you doing!?” which of course woke up my aunt who came in to see her son, passed out on his bed, cover in piss.
It was either a new years eve or my friends birthday, I cant remember. I drank too much bourbon, stole some garden gnomes, threw them at someones house, then I asked this guy that I only kinda liked out, he said yes. The next morning I realised I asked him out, and I was like oh no, I dont want a boyfriend right now! Luckily he dumped me a few weeks later. Now we are best friends!
I was just reminded of this time my cousin threw a party at his place and me and my brother wen’t to check it out. We both wanted to get juiced so we just ended up staying the night. So anyway, it’s the middle of the night, there’s probably about five or six people sleeping in the basement, including my brother and me. My brother’s sleeping on the floor and I get up (this is like 4 or 5 in the morning) to get a glass of water. I step over my brother and he grabs my leg and goes “Meeeeow!” and then passes back out. I was trying so hard not to burst out laughing but I couldnt help it. Just the way he said it was hilarious.
While on the subject of cousins;
Last summer my cousin and a few of my brothers friends came over to swim in the pool. We had a shitload of drinks (we have a bar on our deck) and everyone got pretty roudy. So my other little cousin comes over (he’s like 16 but he’s little to us) to swim. We usually do this game in the pool where someone sits on an inflatable tire and a bunch of us throw that person into mid air. It’s fuckn fun as hell. So anyway, we’re throwing eachother around on this tire (there was probably about 7 of us) and it’s my little cousins turn. So he gets on and we all take a side to throw him. Now my cousin is super skinny so it’s really easy to send him flying and we being pretty smashed is just a bonus. We count…1…2…3 and fuckn chuck this kid 15 feet into the air sending him flying right out of the pool and onto the lawn. It’s an above ground pool. All I can remember seeing is his feet dangling out of the tire before he hit the ground. He was fine and he thought it was hilarious too. I’ll never forget my brother’s friend Aaron’s reaction. “Do you wanna do that again?!” Followed by an insanely psychotic laugh. Fuckn good times.
In my opinion this must be one of the most epically classy threads in Hanzo’s…suppassed only briefly perhaps by the ‘Whats the best swear word?’ thread …
Well, it’s been almost a year now, any new adventures into alcholisim to add to the stockpile?
